Natasha Romanova

It wasn't the first time that Natasha had walked in on someone masturbating over her, although never this literally. She was disappointed in Colonel Fury, but most of all in herself.

"Who is she?" she asked Fury, who just carried on carrying on.

"She's you," he replied, not skipping his beat.

Natasha grabbed at his butt, flinging the smoking cigar across the room. "You know what I mean, Fury, and she's definitely not me. No spy could be that loud."

"She's an LMD," Fury explained.

"A life model decoy?" Natasha said. "More like a robo-slut. And what's your excuse, Colonel?" she asked him, as his face grimaced, close to edging.

"He's an LMD too," came the voice of the real Fury, walking in behind her.

Natasha turned round, as the fake Fury reached a noisy climax.

"And you condone this?" she asked, staring Fury straight in his eye.

"'Coys will be 'coys," he replied, lighting up his cigar.

"Coy's not the word I'd use," Natasha said, turning on her heel.

Then she heard her own voice shouting behind her, "Can you two LMDs please be quiet? Some of us are trying to masturbate."