Naming names, pt 1

“First things first,” you tell Wonder Woman, “I feel like the whole tied to a chair trend is played out.” You untie her from the chair, keeping the lasso looped around her neck, and tug her to her feet. You walk her over to a metal support post in the middle of the room and back her up against it. Brushing her dark hair forward over her shoulders you secure her neck to the post and bind her hands together behind her, then tie her torso, waist, thighs, and calves to the post.

The Amazon beauty stands proud and defiant while you take a moment to enjoy the view. Once you’re satisfied, you grab a notebook and pen, and pull up a chair in front of the bound heroine. Opening the notebook to a blank page, you write a list of heroines down the left side, with their civilian names next to them, and a column for “The Deal.”

“Alrighty. Where do we start?” You say with a thoughtful expression.

“The children,” Diana doesn’t hesitate, “Wonder Girl, Star Girl, Spoiler, Aquagirl, Terra, Speedy, Miss Martian.”

“I’d hardly call them children…”

“They are all underage and do not deserve to have their young lives ruined on our account,” she insists.

You raise a hand, acknowledging the point, “Fair enough. As a show of good faith, I’ll sell all the teens to you as a package deal.”

“Sell? You said you didn’t want money?”

“I said I don’t just want money,” you correct her, “There are a lot of other things I want too, but Daddy does have bills to pay.”

Her face tenses as if she’s fighting the urge to roll her eyes, or call you names, or both. “Fine. One hundred thousand dollars.”

“Please, we already established these names are worth way more than that. Try $100 grand each.”

She thinks about that for a moment, “$500,000 total. That is the most I can pull together on short notice without involving the embassy or the League.”

“Deal. Look at us coming to agreement so quickly!” and you write the number down. “You said Starfire and Raven `barely’ have secret identities and that exposing them would be more of an inconvenience, so let’s get them out of the way while we’re still in PG territory. What are…” you check your notebook, “Kory Anders and Rachel Roth worth to you?”

“That tour of the League Watchtower is still on the table,” she suggests.

“Why not, how many people get to go to space?”

“I do not know the exact number,” Diana says deadpan. You give her a WTF look, she shrugs and looks down pointedly at the Lasso Of Literalism around her chest. “I won’t pretend you’re my boyfriend,” she adds.

“I didn’t ask you to. Who knows? Maybe Power Girl and I will hit it off.”

“Her taste in men is notoriously bad,” the Amazon states thoughtfully.

“Aww you’ll hurt my feelings. OK that’s good for Hot Alien Babe; what about Goth Girl?”

“For Raven, I will cook you a traditional Themysciran dinner.”

“Your place or mine?”

“Whichever you prefer,” she says loftily.

“TBD, fine. What about Hawkgirl, since her name came up earlier?”

Diana thinks for a moment, “Have you ever been flying? Without an aircraft, I mean? I will take you flying, holding you close and safe while we soar through the skies for…30 minutes?”

You nod appreciatively, “Make it an hour and we have a deal.” You make a note next to Hawkgirl/Kendra Saunders, then continue down the list.