Minjae's perspective

As I tapped my phone to end the call, I felt like I was drowning in an ocean of conflicting emotions.

What the fuck. I am her boyfriend, but here I am feeling jealous that another man is not allowing her to fuck others. When did things get so fucked up, so fast?

I sat there on the bed for a moment, just staring at nothing. I thought about her relationship with Jihoon, how she was clearly falling in love with him. How she claimed it was just physical, yet he claimed her before everyone else, wanting her to himself. And she let him, despite me, her boyfriend, giving her permission to do otherwise. Jihoon, first her on screen lover, now possibly in real life too.

And then there was me, the boyfriend who wasn't supposed to even exist, who can't tell anyone about our relationship in case it ruins her career. I had always known this, but the words still felt like a slap to my face. If I can't spend time with her, sleep with her, even brag about having her as my girlfriend to my friends and family, then what's even our relationship? Who was I to her, now, except the guy she used to date? Was I really just some kind of side character in her life now?

But no. I couldn't let myself think like that. This had been my choice, after all. I was the one who had encouraged her to do this, who had pushed her into his arms. If I was feeling jealous or angry or anything else now, it was my own damn fault.

I didn't even wish her good luck for her first day tomorrow, I realised.

I took a deep breath and pushed those thoughts away. Instead, I tried to focus on the positive things, on how I can support her in any way I can. Some way for me to show her how much I love her.

I logged onto the St6rlight forum. I posted a thread, titled "Haeun is amazing", and then started to type out my thoughts.

"I just want everyone to know that Haeun is not only talented but also kind-hearted," I typed, feeling my heart swell with pride for my girlfriend as I typed. "She works so hard every day, always pushing herself harder than anyone else on set or during practice sessions. She's also incredibly smart; she knows exactly what she wants out of life and isn't afraid to work towards achieving those goals."

As I wrote more and more, I found myself smiling wider and wider until eventually I couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear by the time I finished writing down everything there was about Haeun. Everything except for our secret relationship, of course.

When I finally posted my long-winded love letter disguised as an internet forum thread, I sat back on my bed, waiting for the responses to come pouring in. But when they did, it was not what I expected.

"Wtf is this cringy shit?"
"OP must be on crack"
"Lol this dude needs to get a life"
"Just say you want to fuck her like the rest of us lol"

I felt my blood pressure spike as I read through the responses one by one. It seemed like no matter how much effort I put into praising Haeun, nobody would take me seriously because of my status as an outsider looking in on their lives through social media posts and fan fiction stories; they were all convinced that I had some ulterior motive behind writing such glowing words about someone I would never meet face-to-face.

And then came the worst reply of all:

"Hey sorry bud, I know you're just trying to show support, but she's Jihoon's girl now. You should find someone else to obsess over."

I stared at those words for what seemed like hours before finally tossing my phone across the room where it landed with a thud against the wall, before clattering onto the floor below.

How dare they? Who do these fucking assholes think they are? They don't even know her! They don't know anything about who she really is or that she is my girlfriend! My Haeun, who I love so much that I am willing to sacrifice everything for her career!

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I couldn't let this get to me. Not now, not when I needed to stay focused on supporting Haeun no matter what happens from here onwards out in her journey.

But still... those words stung. I couldn't shake off how they made me feel inside; angry and frustrated beyond belief but also hurt in ways that only lovers could understand. I pulled my blanket around me like a cocoon, settling in for yet another restless night.