Memories, Denial, did David ever exist ever?

Even with everything that had occurred, they were clearly weighed down by it all. They had in their hand plastic bags containing promises of something. Liberation perhaps, honestly they no longer had no inkling of their old self. It felt so far away, like waking up from a nightmare, it starts to fade, merges into incoherence and eventually is lost to the ether. That is how they felt about their old self. It felt like the longer they searched and discovered themselves, the more old self severed and fell away from what once was clarity. His old self felt like an antiquated computer that was riddled with issues, and now they were running a Defragmenter. But because it hadn't been run in years, there was a lot of time needed to sort through the folders. Gradually, things were being improved. It even appeared like this computer was not a total wash. Of course, it may need an new OS. Maybe it was a bit odd to think of one self like a machine, but it was best way for them to make sense of these changes, these feelings.

In the end what was the self? In retrospect now they wondered if the self they once embraced was merely to fit in and less about actual desire. Sometimes when you defragment a computer, old files pop up, files you had forgotten existed. You open them up and you see things you forgot you had. They were learning there was many hidden files on the computer, their mind. It was startling to think that they were standing outside a Lingerie store, pondering these metaphysical and existential thoughts.

A few days ago, would never have been caught dead outside this place, not with the overwhelming desire to entreat upon these grounds. Yet here they were staring at the door, shaking in anticipation and nerves. If anyone had told them they would find themselves on this metaphorical cliff ready to dive into an ocean of unknown, they would have scoffed. But that was the old them. Now that line felt like a hinderance, holding them back, keeping them from becoming the person they were truly meant to be.

With one last glance behind them they stepped into the shop, and it's hard to put into words. But, you know that feeling where you enter a place and it immediately feels right. They were experiencing that. There was a warmth, a knowing this was the correct path. That finally they were climbing out of the dark woods and once more into the night sky. It felt like home, not in the literal sense, but in the emotions it evoked. Everything a vision for the gaze drew them in further, entrancing but bewildering. Seducing them but never coercing, it felt consensual, it felt like the colour that was once washed out now returned. Seeing the world in saturated darkness really makes one appreciate brightness, beauty and stunning shades. A loving embrace, welcoming like an old friend.

Despite their mistreatment of such emotions, it did not judge it did not expect too much, if anything it gave a soft smile and unveiled itself to them. So humble, it was entrancing.

Of course now within this welcoming place, no haven, no Eden slightly religious, but connotation did fit, they found their gaze drawn so many directions, it was overwhelming to even wonder where to begin. Despite the apparent appearance perhaps confusing people, they did not feel unwelcome. That had been their biggest fear, they had not grasped that they instead been immobilized by the sheer choice. The phrase kid in a candy wafted through their mind. How to even start?

Would asking for help yield answers?

Taking a deep they approached the counter and found themselves without realizing putting on a more feminine voice, "Um... I hope this isn't too much trouble, but this is my first time here, could you perhaps point me in the direction to start?"

The cashier glanced up and gave an understanding smile, "Ah, yes, let us help you. What is your name Honey?" they paused, what was their name? Their old one didn't feel right, but they had not realized a name would be required. Sighing, they shrugged, "No worries honey, it's okay if you are quite new to this. My name is Julie, and I'll help you out. Got to start somewhere don't we?"

Again they shrugged, before nodding. It wasn't they could not speak, they just could not figure out what to utter. In many ways they felt despite the welcome and warmth they were behind enemy lines, but they also learning said enemy was not nearly as cruel and callous as they were told. It was confounding for sure. Picking out clothes had been easy, but this was more intimate and it was hard to not feel like an outsider. Yet even as outsider they were being treat like one of the in-ground.

Still they slowly followed the cashier, ready to try and explore further.