Meh, I'm used to it at this point.

Finally able to get some uninterrupted slumber you managed to make it through the rest of the night until

Oh c’mon man not again!

No more craziness

Can’t we just have a normal night!

First off no one is here to read normal guy gets eight hours of sleep.

Secondly trust me when I ever steered us wrong.

This is my worried face.

Ahem now then,

Until you smelled the familiar scent of bacon. Rising like Dracula from the dead you followed the heavenly aroma of sizzling pig fat straight into the kitchen where everyone minus Gabby had gathered.

“Morning girls”

Mm I like the sound of that.

Quiet.

“Good morning master”

-_-

Stop messing with reality! You'll break the multi-verse! Didn't you see Wanda-vision!

Fine.

“Good morning Joseph”

“Meh” – Taylor Ashwood 2021

“Morning roo-roo how did you sleep?”

“Fine”

You responded sliding in-between Janae and Taylor at the table.

Still searching for bacon you immediately locked onto the plates in front of your sisters.

Hnnnng

Both dishes looked absolutely scrumptious.

Janae’s plate had two inch-thick slices of bread slathered in butter and jam, honey-drizzled fruit salad, a hard-boiled egg expertly sliced into rounds and of course two glorious strips of succulent, savory, smoked bacon.

Hnnng

Taylor’s plate was equally appetizing with two perfectly crisp fried eggs, another set of thicc-boi toast, and four strips of bacon with a side of avocado slices.

Hnnnng

**** for some piggy goodness you stealthily slid two fingers over to Taylor’s plate and attempted to swipe some swine.

Sighing Taylor pushed a strip over to you.

Nomming the strip suddenly everything in the world made sense. You understood the Fibonacci spiral, Einstein’s theory of general relativity, and Hawking radiation. Yes! Yes! It all made sense it was all so simple the path to enlightenment for the human race was clear as day to you! With this knowledge you could change the very course of humanity!

…And it’s gone.

“Wow! I understand why you guys never eat Lilly’s cooking anymore.”

Meanwhile at your moms’ house

“Lilly? Lilly? Is everything alright?!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s

You and your sisters felt a cold shiver run down your spines.

“I felt a great disturbance in the **** as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”

Before you ask, yes I did have to stop writing and go watch all of the Star Wars films again. Yes! All of them! Not just the good ones.

Oh boy the comment section for this one will be fun.

*Insert Star Wars transition here*

In the kitchen was Emiko the presumed artisan behind the breakfast masterpieces. Standing in front of the stove her shapely hips and black ponytail bounced side to side grooving along to the beat of an inaudible song. Spinning round, she skated a pair of fried eggs off the carbon steel frying pan onto a white plate.

Hunching over she glared at the food for a moment until inspiration struck. Pushing the sleeves of her bone-white dress shirt back up past her elbows; Emiko withdrew a single wooden toothpick from her white and pink-striped apron spinning it round her fingers she set to work on the food with the fervor of Jackson Pollock.

Finishing her meal prep Emiko stood up and wiped her brow. Locking eyes with you, she gave you a massive grin then ran over with the plate.

Placing it in front of you along with a tall glass of orange juice, she removed two platinum colored ear-buds and again grinned.

“Bon appetit!”

Looking down at the decorated plate you were dumbstruck.

A panda face was seared into the toast atop its head a small melted pad of butter. The fruit was all lovingly cut into a small family of bunnies. Using the yolk as ink she had scribbled Hello Kitty and her friends onto both of the sunny-side up eggs. And finally at the top of the plate spelt out in delicious cuts of bacon was some Asian words you didn’t know.

Seriously what kind of weeb are you?

“Welcome to our home!” Emiko happily translated.

“Itadakimasu!” You proudly replied.

Oh you’re just the worst kind.

Smh

With Emiko returning to the kitchen you were left staring at the plate unsure if you should eat it or post it to Instagram.

Eh fuck Zuckerberg.

You immediately tore into the food. Biting off the heads of the bunny children, turning the endangered pandas into chewy mush, and savagely dismembering Hello Kitty.

Their pain was delicious.

So we’re just going straight into the deep-end of neckbeard fantasy for Emiko?

Uh-he-sh-Mmm just because she is Japanese, friendly and likes to cook does not make her a neckbeard fantasy!

*Gestures to the fan-art*

That’s just the internet they make fan-art of everything! Besides we’ve just met her character we don’t know anything about her!

Bet she gets a beach episode or a Halloween special where she dons a nekomimi outfit…actually make that a school-girl uniform.

Y-Yo-You shut up! That was not the plan!

Whatever man. Speaking of fan-art you see all the Resident Evil Village Lady Dimitrescu fan-art?

No?

Check this out!

Oh Mommy!