Meanwhile, in the lab.

The laboratory would've been easily identifiable to any human who knew what a mad scientist was. They'd look at the brightly colored, bubbling liquids, Bunsen burners, and mysterious apparatus scattered around the place, and go "yep. Mad scientist."

Then they'd notice the actual scientist was a featureless mannequin in a lab coat, and pause.

The major had no eyes to roll, but he would've given a human the impression thereof. He was not fond of the aquired earthling affectations of his people.

The humans had a term for it, ironically. Cultural contamination.

...Or maybe it was appropriation.

He shook his head, resolved to spend less time on human social media, and proceeded into the lab.

"Doctor!" he growled. "The general's time is valuable. And-"

He slammed his palms down on the table, and the scientist flinched.

"-so is mine. Get to the point."

"Ah, yes." The scientist adjusted the glasses he didn't actually need. "I've come up with an idea."

"Yes, I believe that's your job."

"Ah, yes." The scientist chuckled. "Quite." He bought up a video on the room's holographic display. It showed a man and a woman, from the Voyager probe. "Our main problem is this species' sexual dimorphism. What if-"

He bought his hands together. The human male and female images merged together, to become a single being with the curves of a woman, but the sexual equipment of a man.

The major didn't frown. "And...how is this a benefit?"

"Men are, generally, attracted to women, and let their guards down. Women, generally, let their guards down around other women."

"I see. So, would you have us take these forms?"

The scientist paused. Shivered. "Oh, no-no-no! That would be far too inefficient! Ah...maybe as a bit of R&R. But for practical purposes-"

He reached to a rack, and picked up a test tube from a series.

"-a retrovirus will work just fine."

"You want to...infect humans?"

"Yes!"

"Which does what? Give them the sniffles?"

The scientist pointed at the screen. The major blanched.

"You're kidding."

"Not at all! Not only will this save us risking our troops, but it will spread itself, geometrically! I've even include code that lets them temporarily shift to their old appearances, and implants the desire to have as much sex as possible. It even alters their sexual preferences!"

"And how does it accomplish the mission goals?"

"All of these creatures are highly fertile." The scientist pinched a certain part of the subject's anatomy, and raised it, revealing a female primary reproductive organ. "They can carry infants to term and give birth. These infants will carry the genes for our race, and in successive generations, will effectively become us."

"Failure points?"

"Well, er, the transformed people are extremely, as the humans say, 'horny'. They can only conceal themselves for a limited time, depending on mental fortitude, and 'holding in the sneeze' only makes them hornier when they eventually snap. It's also likely that humans will detect the changes, but-"

"They'll start looking around to point fingers. Not up." The major gazed at the hermaphrodite onscreen. "How did it perform in the simulations?"

"The-the simulations! Yes, of course!" The scientist adjusted his glasses again. "Quite well."

The major nodded. "Two more questions."

"Hmmm?"

"If you only used simulations - as is protocol - then why is there an empty spot for another test tube on that rack?"

"...Er."

"And second of all-"

The major turned to face the scientist head on, and leaned in. His voice dropped.

"-How much time have you spent viewing human sexual media on their global information network, when you were supposed to be working?"

Written for fun, no current plans of actually continuing. Feel free to write your own.

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