Make the world a better place, of course

She thinks over the question for a moment, more wondering why he would ask than about the question itself. Is he delusional? This isn't one of John's usual symptoms. "I suppose I'd be far better at my job. It would be wonderful to just heal everyone that needs healing."

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe you really are that good of a person, that that would be your first thought. Maybe I'm just selfish, like you're always telling me not to be."

"I've never called you selfish. Just that considering others before you take actions is something to be worked on." This was an important point she'd tried to drill into him. He didn't have faults, just things to work on.

At this, he chuckled with genuine mirth. "If you only knew, Doc. If you only knew how much I was holding back. All of those temptations in my mind. A world, no a universe of possibilities that never would have even occured to me are opening up before me. And it's all just so tempting."

Something in his voice frightened her. Time to stop beating around the bush. "John, are you asking me this because you believe you're, what, all powerful?"

He held up his hand and rocked it in a 'so-so' gesture. "I haven't tested it out. I'm afraid to." And he looked afraid. "It would be too easy to let it out. It would be easier than snapping my fingers to make any desire happen. But it's just wrong. I can't."

There's still more digging to be done before she reminded him that his delusion is impossible. How does it fit with any of his other symptoms? "Surely this power of yours could be used for good, right? You'd be able to solve hunger and war and cancer, and everything else wrong with the world."

But he was shaking his head before she was even done speaking. "It doesn't work like that. Not for me, anyway. If I give in, even a little, I know it won't stop. I have to hold it all in." He put his hands around his knees in a way that made Dr. MacIntyre think of the fetal position. She wanted to go over and comfort him, but knew that it would be unprofessional.

"Why don't you tell me some of the things that you're tempted to change? Is this about yourself? Are you afraid to get rid of your anxieties?" This was problem sometimes when patients were prescribed medication after years of therapy. It felt too easy for them, so they rejected it, or they felt like their illnesses were their fault and they deserved them.

Again, he was shaking his head. "I can't. If I admit them to you, to myself, I might make them happen."

"Just try. I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"I don't think you can help me," he said.

"You're here to talk to me, so you want me to help with something. Maybe it's just to feel better about this. You're obviously feeling guilty, right? I need to know what's going on in that head of yours to help with what's in that head of yours."

He nods. "Okay."