MISS: You and Cheryl make a naked escape!

By the time you separate Cheryl's hungry lips from your lady pie, the fire is climbing rapidly up the hill in the direction of your back door.

"No time to dress, Cheryl," you tell her. "We've got to get out of here."

Cheryl looks down the hill. The breeze is already getting hot and smoky. "Lead on, Mary," she says.

You and Cheryl pile into your big old car, your buns rubbing on the vinyl seats, and you take off down the driveway.

When you reach the county road, Cheryl asks, "Uphill or downhill?"

You look round at your round-faced ladies' swimming teacher with her curly gray hair and her big bouncy titties. Uphill's away from town, and also the way the fire's going, but you'll be fine once you get to the top of the hill. Downhill's toward town, and you'll be fine once you're below the fire.