Lost a man...

Time to dig now. To think and to dig. To figure out the riddle of Alex. But mostly to dig. Sadly, Alex didn’t see the dangers of being hunted by Sophia and Clara combined. Or he was totally oblivious to it. Or he just let it happen. Trusting his girlfriends to interfere. But they don’t. Perhaps they are trusting the wisdom of Sophia and Clara...

I am curious though, how he will react. Mostly curious, but with some tiny... No... it’s not embarrassing to admit to myself I do care about the man, at least a bit. Not really for the commander’s mask, but for the man, named Alex. He was **** in too many ways. Which made her care... as usual. I was curious about how he would react to the brutal seduction attempts of the two combined forces.

Sophia and Clara had made plans, that I was sure of. And they wouldn’t wait on his initiative. He was a man after all, and every man Sophia had encountered had fallen swiftly for her, under her, on top of her, however... They had learnt the wrong lessons from Kylie, it wasn’t the sexual act that made him love her, it was taking away his pain, she was sure of it. A man not that much interested in sex would not care for the act in itself. It was what it meant to him or to others.

But Sophia and Clara were out hunting now. The opportunity was too great to resist. Alex had volunteered to dig, and as squad commander, Sophia had divided the rest of us to stay away from the cave. Except for Clara of course. His girlfriends saw and let it happen. Way too trusting in the results. Either he would fall really in love with them and they would welcome them, or he would evade, or just say no. Or not respond. Or oblivious to the track record of Sophia.

So as soon as the troops were divided, Sophia entered the cave with Alex. He had taken off his sweater and shirt, in naked toned torso, a clear invitation for Sophia and Clara. Then Clara entered too, and the rest of us were out working... well, not really working fast, each of us was thinking about what was happening inside, carefully studying the exit of the cave.

I must say it took a long time for the result of the hunt. Probably evading the subtler hints, the less subtler hints, the clear hints...

Suddenly Alex came out, pale, exhausted and trembling on his legs.

I sighed when I saw him coming out, walking away from the cave. I had really thought he would not bend for it, whatever they threw at him. I was a bit disappointed in him. But then I saw him walking further into the woods, pale and trembling, stumbling even into the direction of his camp. Sophia and Clara then exited the cave. Extremely pleased with themselves, a prey caught again. A difficult one, perhaps, but hunted and caught.

Oddly enough I saw Alex stumbling further into the direction of his camp, without taking the usual detour. And Kylie stood up, pale as well. She started walking after him. Alex started running, faster then, like he was fleeing the scene. And Kylie started running too, way too far behind him.

Very strange. Kate and Kara stood up, this time there was no blush on Kate. She looked very sad. Kara quite angry. Sophia and Clara were confused, as the rest of us. Sophia and Clara tried to ask questions at Kate and Kara, but they simply refused to answer, only they said they needed to wait on the return of Kylie.

We sat there for an hour. Kate had started to cry in silence, being hugged by a furious, seething Kara. I had never seen her angry. It was a horrific sight. And I was starting to get worried about Alex. Not a tiny bit anymore. Not even more than just a bit. A lot. Because my mind was making connections to my past life. Not from my own experience, but from girls in the nunnery. Girls that hadn’t been able to fend off the attentions of men they had cared for as father figures, or as brothers, or as uncles, or as babysitters, or as trainers, or as... the list was too long to name all the types of offenders. And they all had reacted differently to it afterwards. Some were vying even more for attentions, some didn’t care, some drank a lot of **** or took ****, some would vie for attentions but never give them back, some would just sit... and sit... endlessly waiting for it to happen again, afraid. Some didn’t even react anymore. And some would not care for intimacy, would be ****, would fend off attempts. And all the variations in between or combined...

I had seen much in the nunnery, but I knew I hadn’t seen it all. And seeing Alex reacting like that after what Sophia and Clara had done, or didn’t do... The mask of the commander made more sense now. Anyone would rather command than being commanded after what the girls had been through. The frown, the brutal manners as a filter to trust people, to push them away before they even attempted to get closer. He had left an opening, only for those people he could let himself fall in love with. Because he needed to love and be loved back. A man cannot survive on only doing stuff, he needs a reason to. All men, all women need a reason to do stuff.

I felt sad. I cared for him. And I had let it happen, out of curiosity, out of a challenge to know him better, because he was difficult to get to know, as if I wanted to solve the puzzle more than anything else more important. I was angry at myself for not intervening, for not to continuing to seed doubt in Clara and Sophia about their tactics. For whatever I had let myself restrain to care for him, the way he cared for me. To protect him, the way he did for me. And I understood why he was doing the things he did and had done. To care for those that weren’t cared for, to protect those that weren’t, to love those that weren’t loved. Out of pure instinct, without hesitation, without conditions. And I cried inside.

Kylie returned at last, pale and determined. She commanded Sophia and Clara to come with her, Kate and Kara. To talk.

To talk...? Only to talk?

I had fucked up, I knew that. Sophia and Clara had fucked up even more, I knew that too. In the place of Kylie I would have acted by now, in the place of Alex I would have killed by now. In the place of Superman I would have burnt the entire forest, the villages, the cities, the entire continent by now.

But then again, Alex wouldn’t want that. He couldn’t hurt, because he was hurt. And because he had been hurt, he had promised himself not to hurt. Kylie acted instead of Alex, just the way he was. Ask for explanations, the motives, see if there is a way not to hurt. He promised and he kept his promises. Always. As I did. And I promised I would never let him be hurt again. And because he couldn’t do what he did forever without being hurt, I would have to help him too.