Like One of the Guys

I close my eyes, and I feel inside. I feel the mountain within, resilient and eternal, majestic and rugged, blanketed with verdant trees and shrouded in mist. A source of life, of strength, of inspiration. I open my eyes, and I see the man. Not the one the world tried to **** into existence all those years ago, but the man I made. The man I found inside me after learning the truth of who I am. The man who will be nothing other than himself.

Hello, Kellan. Let’s do this.

I stroll out into my living room, naked as the day I was born, Bagel following along behind me and softly chirping. I take a few breaths in front of my balcony window, watching as the silhouette of the Cascades reveals the glory of the sunrise. I position my phone camera and unroll my mat, doing a short routine of nude yoga as my body soaks in the golden rays of morning. My followers on OnlyFans often ask how I maintain my figure, and I’m always happy to show them.

Once I’m good and limber I slip on my bamboo fiber bathrobe, leaving it open so my body can breathe. I check myself out in the mirror, rubbing my hand against my week-old beard. It’s just long enough that the sunlight picks out the red-gold hairs, shining against the brown, and it’s just scruffy enough that I decide to leave it untouched. Strolling back into the living room, I put a Tom Waits album on the record player, brew some strong black tea, light the remainder of my blunt from Friday night, and sit down at my coffee table to do some freewriting.

A half dozen songs in, my mind is buzzing with caffeine and cannabis and creativity, but I know time is running short for me to go join the working world. Leaving my blue hair flowing freely down to my shoulders, I consider my sartorial options. After a moment's thought, I decide to push the limits on my workplace’s casual dresscode today. I slip on some dark blue jeans, a brown roughspun tshirt, and a shortsleeve green plaid left open over the top. Some heavy duty sandals and no socks, which I feel might be pushing the casualness a little too far, but I’m in a reckless mood. My hickies are still very visible on my neck, but I decide I like the message they’re sending. I’m not out to play coy today.

Down the elevator and out the door to the street, breathing in the mixed air of my urban residential neighborhood. One of the things I love about Seattle is that even though I’m technically in the city limits, there’s still plenty of trees to keep the air fresh. That air is a bit cooler than I was anticipating when I dressed myself, and I briefly consider going back in for a jacket, but quickly decide to embrace the elements.

Popping in my earbuds and putting on a baseball history podcast, I hop on a crosstown bus and settle in for my commute. The changing scenery outside is reflected by the shifting mix of passengers as we go deeper into the urban core, past downtown, through the International District and south through the old redlined neighborhoods. The buzzing energy of the city in the morning is filtered through dozens of individuals on their way through it, and I soak in a tiny slice of their stories as I watch and listen and exist alongside them. When it comes time to transfer onto a satellite line to get to the corporate park where I work I let out a little sigh of disappointment, already looking forward to the bus ride home.

Stepping off the elevator onto my floor of the office building, Val looks up from the front desk and gives me a grin, which I return to the tattooed marine corps vet with a wave. I give out a few hellos and fistbumps on my way to my standing workstation, where I see my work wife Sally is already settled in with her coffee and keto breakfast. Her brown eyes light up when she sees me and she gives me a tight hug, really rubbing her soft chest and cheeks against my coarseness. “MMMmmmmm hi Kellan! Good morning!” She pulls away and her smile widens as she takes me in. “Damn, you know how much I love your scruffy hippie aesthetic. Did you do that for me?”

I smile right back at her. We’ve had more than a few tumbles at the office, but today I’m aiming to take in some new experiences. “You know you’re always top of my mind whenever I’m putting a look together, hon.” We share a laugh. “How’s your day shaping up?”

Sally launches into a vent about her upcoming project meetings, and I give her my ears while my eyes wander across the open workplan of my floor. Who will be my first new experience of the day, I wonder?