Lie your ass off

Dunk your trunks, hide your boner. Lie, divert attention. “Sorry I tripped. I was thinking about my wife’s fat ass in that tight swimsuit.”

Your wife’s eyes bug. Her hands cover her mouth in shock. At you using the word “ass” or calling it “fat”? You don’t care. It gets the reaction you wanted.

“She was teasing me before she got in the tub. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to touch you.” Look your sister-in-law in the eyes. Do not look at her tig-ole-bitties in a black bra. Look sincere.

“It’s okay,” she says buying it, “especially if you were getting teased by your wife.”

“I was not teasing him,” your wife says looking around for help. Is she going crazy?

Your sister says, “I did see you picking at your swimsuit up on the deck. I wondered what you were doing.”

“It was riding up!” She exclaims. Why doesn’t anyone believe her?

I shrug, “She was asking me if she could pull off a thong and then pulled at her swimsuit to tease me. It’s hard to think when you’re wife if showing off like that.”

Your brother-in-law raises his glass, “I hear you. Your sister did everything she could to give me a boner while we were getting changed. Said the dirtiest things.”

Your sister turns beet red and slaps her husband. You grin. This couldn’t go any better.”

Your sister-in-law says, “I wish my husband got excited so easily. It was a lot of work getting him up on the honeymoon.”

Your little brother’s jaw drops. She wasn’t suppose to reveal that intimate secret, especially so soon after it occurred. Even your wife seems shocked, “He couldn’t get it up on your honeymoon.” She looks directly at your brother, “Are you gay? I just saw your wife in her underwear. If you aren’t attracted to her, then I don’t think women are for you.”

No one is thinking about your boner. Lying couldn’t have gone better.

Your brother fumbles, “I got it up. We had sex!”

“After I sucked you for an hour,” his wife says.

Goddamn, your brother might be gay. Your lie might have revealed his homosexuality.

He stumbles, “There was a lot of pressure. We waited. It’ll get better.”

She crosses her arms over her enormous tits. “Didn’t get better any of the other nights. Only the time after the beach, when you happen to be next to a dude wearing a speedo.”

“That had nothing to do with it!” Your brother exclaims.

Who would have thought accidentally touching your brother’s wife’s tits would immediately ruin their marriage.

Your sister-in-law looks at your wife and your sister. “Have you ever had to stop having sex because his penis gets soft and can’t stay inside?”

“Never,” your wife says immediately. So loyal even though you threw her under the bus for your boner.

“Only when I keep riding him after he cums,” your sister says.

You mock a gag. You do not want to think about your sister fucking, especially thinking about her so horny that she wants to keep going long after her husband has blown his load.

Your little brother says, “I’m not gay. I can get hard for you right now.”

“Prove it,” his wife says.

He stands up out of the water. His wet boxers cling to his soft junk. He pleads, “I just can’t get hard on command. Give me some inspiration.”

Without thinking you cup your hands around your mouth and call out, “SHOW EM YOUR TITS!”