Leaf through the notes

You start to leaf through the notes on the robots.

"Prototype "Lif" and "Lifbrasir" is printed on top, though you notice something scribbled down just underneath it:

"Gary, if you stopped dressing up like a weirdo and actually started to pay attention to what I was saying, you'd be able to operate and work on these things without me writing down this very set of notes down for you. Now I hope you'll read these and not skim them like usual, this is important work that we're- I'm doing!"

Hm. The proper content of the notes continues below.

"Lif and lifbrasir is an effort to create a vessel for insemination without need for much human interaction or contact. Once properly finished, one should be able to pop in a piece of your own DNA inside, and within hours (though hopefully we can get this down to minutes if possible), the robot will have integrated this DNA into its own "being". To a leyman the prototype will seem unchanged, but in reality their reproductive organs will be for all sense and purposes, an exact replica of the DNA's original owner! What does that mean? The ability to spread your genes or carry your child without the need to risk or discomfort yourself to the outside world!

Once the prototype is ready and primed to go, it can be set loose in the outside world in search of a suitable partner. Once the prototypes are in full production and are more common place, preferably this partner it'll look for will be another Lif or Lifbrasir loaded with human DNA, but until then, it'll look for a living person for a direct source. Upon finding a suitable person, they will approach them calmly and slowly, making sure that the person they're approaching is fully aware of its presence. Once within a suitable range, the prototype will then ask the potential person whether or not it wants to mate. Then after a quick signing of terms and conditions, which can be modified by the original owner, the prototype will then ask whether or not the current area is suitable for copulation, and if not, will follow its mate and conveniently ask that question every 2 minutes. After the act, it'll simply wander back to its original owner, who being shown the data on "their mate", can decide whether or not to keep it. Note that this is not really an option for male users with a Lif prototype, and they will have to be entirely content with the mate the prototype has chosen.

Kinks to iron out:

-The prototypes still can't differentiate between an infected and uninfected person, and will attempt to mate with them regardless. This unfortunately leads to horrifying little "accidents" we do not want a repeat of. This needs to be fixed before we update the boss on our progress. It's more dangerous for the prototypes if we prevent the infected from mating with it, so we've got to make the prototype sturdy and durable enough for copulation with one of them, but at the same time add some sort of detection switch to turn off the reproductive systems. As an addendum, we'll need to add some sort of sterilisation mechanism (let's not repeat the mistake of causing the seed and eggs to be sterile, I mean it in the anti-bacterial sense) "down there" so that the prototypes do not accidentaly spread the infection to non infected individuals.

-The prototypes frequently forget to run their 'approach routine', causing it to wildly run towards the potential candidate and will the proceed to forcibly mate with them. Some people might have issue with this, so this is another one we've got to fix before we give our report to the boss.

-This is not as much a fault to the programming or engineering, but we need to add some sort of preventive measure against people, or infected, following the prototype back to its owner after copulation. It's just a problem I think might arise in the future at some point. Also, if the prototype goes back to its owner with need of confirmation to accept "their mates" DNA, and the owner happens to be dead, the prototype will stand there practically forever, or until its batteries die. This means the process to start the incubation will never begin.

-The prototype will occasionally forget to run process 'Z-4 nb-000340' and will be unable to lift its left foot if it happens across a short obstacle.

-The prototype will rarely break down if anything is inserted in the anus. (Yes, I know it was counter productive to add an anus to these, but one of the guys 'up there' really likes anal, and pestered me to add one. My hands are tied on this.)

-The prototype will occasionally forget to run sub-routine '99 HGX/s-020445', which will result in the prototype not ducking its head when coming across a short doorway.

-The prototype will occasionally forget to..."

This goes on for another twenty pages. You feel bad for whomever has to actually fix all of these. At the back, stapled on as if as an after thought are a couple extra pages of instructions, printed on different colored paper.

"INSTRUCTIONS PART I-

WARNING: DO NOT OPERATE WHEN **** OR WHEN ON MEDICATION. SHOULD PROBLEMS ARISE, IMMEDIATLY STOP AND CONTACT YOUR NEAREST PHYSICIAN. WE ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANY INJURIES THAT MAY ARISE FROM IMPROPER USE.

Step 1- Before starting, please ensure you are wearing insulated rubber gloves and that you are in a spacious, well lit area.

Step 2- Stand your 'Lif' or 'Lifbrasir' in an upright position, and open the back compartment. Twist open the red cap to your left (if Lif) or orange cap to your right (if Lifbrasir), and insert a small (no bigger than 2cm, or more than 3ml) DNA sample. This can be a hair, a toenail, a drop of blood or even semen. Please ensure that the sample you're providing does not contain foreign substances or DNA, as this can lead to complications. Once inserted, screw the cap back on, and close the compartment.

Step 3- The process should take anywhere between 30 min to 22 hours. Do not disturb your 'Lif' or 'Lifbrasir' until the eyes flash red ONCE. If the eyes flash red TWICE, the process has failed and must be repeated.

Step 4- Press down on both eyes and tilt the head forwards whilst pulling the index and ring finger on the left hand if 'Lif' or index finger, ring finger and thumb if 'Lifbrasir'. After three seconds a compartment on the back of the head should open. Press the green button down for 4.6 seconds, and the unit should start and run its activation routine.

Step 5- If for personal use, then congratulations! Your 'Lif' or 'Librasir' is now ready for you to enjoy!

If for use with other people, please read 'INSTRUCTIONS PART II'."

You feel tired after reading all that, but at least now you know how to operate these things.