Keep Talking

Angela doesn’t look at you, her eyes snapping down to the paperwork in her lap the moment the video comes to an end.

“How long have you really known?”

Angela snapped her head up at that, the look of shock on her face a reflection of your own shock at yourself for saying something so bold. You couldn’t have imagined saying something like that even a few days ago but today you feel almost like a new man, a man who could barrel on.

“Thinking back,” You began to muse, turning slightly away from Angela as you seemed to talk to the room at large. “I would guess you have known since before I started working here. I mean you always seem to be as far away from him as possible for most of the day. Makes it easier not to see something you don’t want to see, hmm?”

You turn to look at Angela as you pose the final question. You half expect to get a slap in the face or for her to storm off at your remarks.

Instead, she nods, slowly, the motion seeming to cause her physical pain. “It’s true.” She manages to whisper out.

You hate seeing the pain on her face, knowing that you are responsible for putting it there and let you know you need to keep going.

“I guess that’s why you..” You glance around, wanting to be sure you are truly alone. “Took the condom off. A way to strike back at him? You could at least know that you had got something over him even if he would never know about it. Seems like the reason you even slept with me in the first place.”

Again a painful nod and more tears. Your heart aches at doing this but still, you push on.

“But you are still a good person, so you’ve avoided me because you think you sinned.” As you speak you slide along the pew, closing the distance between the two of us as you speak directly to Angela now. “It’s the same reason you stay with him. The thought that leaving him would in some way be wrong or a sin.”

“I won’t leave him!” The outburst is sudden and loud, catching you off guard as Angela tosses the words out like a curse. “I can’t….people would talk.”

You slide closer. “I know that but why should you still suffer?” As you pose the question you move close enough that your leg presses up against Angelas. “He rendered any vows mute years ago so why should you deny yourself the pleasure you deserve whilst he cavorts with abandon?”

“And you are oh so nobly offering yourself as the one to give me that pleasure?” Angela shot back with a snorting laugh as the tears started to dry in her eyes.

“I’m not going to pretend I am noble in any way.” You admit with a tip of your head and half-cocked smile. “Since our encounters, I have thought about you more times than I can count. Thought about how you looked when you let yourself actually feel something. I want to see that again.”

You try to read Angela’s expression but your mouth seems to want to run ahead of you as you keep speaking.

“I want to lay you down and run my hands over you. I want to taste you and give you the pleasure and care and love that you have been starved of by him!”

The air, in spite of the airy church, seems to become unbearably close and hard to breathe as you speak. Your whole body tensing as you feel yourself hurtle over the cliff edge, Angela’s face offered no clues for what felt like an age before she finally looked away from you and pulled herself upright.

She turned to face you, her mouth opening and closing, forming words before she thought better of them and finally fell silent. She swayed on her heels for a long moment, before finally turning and walking away.

You wanted to get up and follow her, call out to her or grab her and make her stay and face you but you knew it wasn’t the right thing to do.

So you simply sat on the pew and watched her go and when she vanished you got up and walked home. Claire tried to call, tried to text and you ignored her as you lay on your bed and stared at the ceiling, wondering about all the things you could have said that might have made things go better.