Kaylee's Help

“So let me get this straight,” Kaylee said. We were sitting in her car in the parking lot of the school for privacy. I wasn’t worried about people overhearing us in the crowded hallway, but that other people would stop by and interrupt us. “You want me to sleep with Charles… then tell you about it?” I nodded. She slumped back in her seat, running her fingers through her hair. “We tried this before, remember? Didn’t work out well for either of us.”

“This time is different.”

“How? You have been quite clear about how this makes you feel.”

“So it’s a no?”

“I never said that.” She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. When she spoke again, her voice was calm. “I just want to make sure that this is what you really want. I’m tired of hurting you. I always feel our relationship is constantly shifting, and not in a good way. Relationships should change. Growth is important, but this isn’t growth. It’s goalposts being moved and rules being changed arbitrarily.”

Turning in her seat, she faced me. “So I have to ask you, Scott.” Her eyes bored into me. “Is this something you want?”

I forced myself to face her candidly. “I don’t know.” I could see the disappointment there. At this point, I didn’t blame her. Up until now, it was common for me to avoid things. Giving only half-assed attempts to find myself and fix some of the issues between us. So I pushed forward, rushing past the point I’d previously stalled at. “But this is something I need to know and I don’t know how I’ll get answers unless I face this part of our relationship. The longer this relationship goes on, the more guys you're going to sleep with. I need to know if this is something I can be a part of, or if we need to discuss ways to partition that aspect of your life and keep it separate from our relationship—if that’s even possible.”

I took a shaky breath and squeezed the last bit out. “So I want you to sleep with him. Beyond that, I want you to enjoy yourself. I’m not talking about pretending or forcing yourself, but allowing yourself to treat this as if it was from before our relationship. Then, I want to have an honest discussion about it where we hold nothing back. How we move on from there… I guess it all depends.”

Kaylee was silent, patiently waiting for me to finish what I needed to say. It continued even after I stopped talking as she absorbed it all. “Okay,” she finally said in a soft voice. Her eyes locked with mine. “But I want to do this with a new guy. Charles is fine, but I want someone new.”

I nodded, looking away. Before doubt and guilt could take hold, I felt her hand against my leg. Following her arm up to her face, I found her with a warm smile on her face. For all the judgment I weighed on myself, I found none in the beautiful girl beside me. I had cracked open a bit of the armor that protected me from the world, showing her a glimpse of the me inside.

So far, she was still here.

“When—”

“Tomorrow.” Her answer was unexpectedly quick, my eyes widening slightly.

“Can you find someone that quickly?”

“Already have someone in mind.”

Of course she did. No idea why I found it so funny, but it felt liberating to get this all off my chest.

Leaning over, she pulled me into a kiss. Even as she pulled away, I enjoyed the lingering sensation of her lips. “We’ll figure things out,” she said, looking into my eyes. “Together.”

“Together,” I repeated.