Joy tells Candis enough then has a procedure

It must be the repeated trauma I’ve had to endure, but my mind simply freezes. Candis’ eyes never leave me as I open my mouth, pause, close my mouth, think for a moment longer, open my mouth, pause, close my mouth, and repeat that several times. As my brain seems to kick back out of neutral, I realize I’ve all but confirmed her suspicion that I’m not what I say I am. I consider just laying it out, telling the truth, but quickly throw that idea away. If I start with “I’m a time traveler” I’m sure they’ll consider me either an outright liar or brain damaged.

Maybe just some of the truth.

I go with my instincts and just start talking. “You’re right Candis. I mean, partially right. I grew up in the Eastern Coalition, but not like this. Not as a woman. When I came to the Free Union with my family I was a man. They found a genetic abnormality and they…” I gesture at my feminine body “…they did this. They made me into a woman. I… uh… I knew they could do fantastic things. That’s why we went there, to get help for Atticus and Catty, but I didn’t know this was possible. That’s why we had to leave there as I didn’t want to be a woman and especially didn’t want to get pregnant.”

I look down at my folded hands and wait for Candis’ reaction. When I see her hand land on mine and gently pat them, I know I’ve made headway. Her voice is sweet and comforting again. “Okay sweety, that must be difficult to go through. And then coming here… well, being a woman in Gilead is an honor but most from the outside wouldn’t think so and I imagine you’re having trouble dealing with it. I certainly don’t want to **** you, and I’m sure Isiah would feel the same. But I’m not sure our laws would let us treat you like a man without proof. Let’s see if there’s anything we can do. First, we need to confirm your identity in the Eastern Coalition.”

Candis gives my hands a final pat before walking away. “Just stay there, I need to get the computer so we can look up your records.”

I breathe a sigh of relief and wait. It seems strange that in this nation where women are property that any woman would have access to information, but maybe Isiah treats Candis special. He did say that she ran the show here.

My thoughts are interrupted when I see a small information pallet open up in my lower left field of view. My EILEEN WINNI hadn’t activated since the train, when she sounded like a man and said she had to follow the protocols of the Gilead Information Network. I’d just assumed that since I was a woman it meant she couldn’t give me any information at all. But the information pallet’s limited information sends my hopes soaring. It simply says “New network found. Connecting to AoMP LRTN.”

Candis returns at that moment holding another anachronism. A laptop computer that looks like it was from the 1980s. It was thick, had a flat panel display with large bezels, bad color, and tight viewing angles, and a touchpad barely bigger than Candis’ fingers. But importantly, it didn’t have any wires connected to it, and my hopes continued to soar.

I try to put all my assumptions together and begin quickly multitasking. Physically I lean back and start looking idly around the room, trying to seem disinterested in what Candis is doing. Verbally I casually ask “I didn’t think they let women have access to the network. Catty lost her wireless access when we entered Gilead.”

And finally, mentally I prompted my Eileen hoping her connection wouldn’t set off any alarms. Using my internal voice I asked “Eileen, do I have full access to you again?”

Candis’ answer was as casual as mine but gave me everything I was hoping for. “Mmm Hmmm, that’s right. Not even Isiah can give me, or any woman, access to the Gilead Information Network. But we’re right on the southern edge of the large towers from the Mishigami network. They’re up in the Oklahoma disputed territory. On a clear day like today we can access it. I just needed to turn on the powered antennae on the roof. Don’t worry, not even the hands can track this.”

As I’m physically listening to Candis tell me that there’s another network to connect to, I read Eileen’s response to my query. “I am now connected to the Alliance of Mishigami People’s Long Range Terrestrial Network with a signal strength of -30 dBm. Previous connection options were Gilead Information network with signal strength of -42 dBm or AoMP LRTN with a signal strength of -70 dBm. The AoMP LRTN has no restrictions on access.”

If I was remembering my wireless signal strength correctly, Eileen’s signal strengths meant that she had picked the strongest one available. When Candis turned the powered antennae on, this new unrestricted network became the strongest signal, hence Eileen connecting to it. I just needed to make sure I didn’t reconnect to the Gilead restricted network when Candis turned this one off.

As Candis continued her work, I barely paid attention, giving her the shortest answers I could. I didn’t hesitate to give her my real first name of James when she asked. To Eileen I internally asked if she could remain attached to the AoMP network over the Gilead network when the signal strength was reduced. Eileen’s answer was promising, if a little cryptic. “I can prioritize connection to a single network. So long as access to said network is available, I will not seek other connections. Weaker connections, however, will result in slow or limited access to information.”

Being that slow or limited information was better than the creepy male non information I got from the Gilead network I told Eileen to keep the connection to the AoMP no matter what. Not knowing how pervasive the Eileen was in seeking a connection, I backed up that command by telling her to avoid connecting to anything Gilead related, especially the Gilead Information Network. Only when Eileen gave me confirmation did I turn my attention back to Candis, who seemed to be summing up her research.

“So, I’ve found several James Williams in the Eastern Coalition. Assuming you’re not the ninety-year-old or the ten-year-old, that leaves only two anywhere near your age.” Candis looks me up and down and slowly nods “I guess the Free Union’s genetic cleaning could take years off. They’d probably only offer that to very fertile people. So, are you the thirty-five-year-old James Williams from Bucharest?”

I can’t help but smile as the beginning of a plan start up. Being a pawn here made escape incredibly difficult. But with Eileen’s help, I may just have a chance! Nodding I combine my smile with my answer to Candis’ question “That’s me. Does that put your heart at ease? I guess you’d see me as strange as I’m not acting like women from the Eastern Coalition or form the Free Union, but you can see why now. Because I’m NOT a woman from those places.”

Candis’ returned smile initially buoys my hope. Physically escaping, even with Eileen’s help, would be difficult but if this information of my gender change made it so that Isiah just let me go, I may not even have to do that. When she comes around the breakfast island and pulls me into a hug though, my hopes of being let go drop through the floor “It does put my heart at ease Joy. It makes complete sense. And Isiah will be so happy when I tell him. We’ve heard of the Free Union’s ability to change genders but have never had one of them here in Gilead, that I know of. Isiah will love owning the first one, making you that much more special!”

I let the disappointment show as I’m sure Candis would expect me to. At the same time, I try to appear resilient by moving on to the next issue. “That sucks, but I guess it makes sense. We should have known better coming to Gilead. You said something about a starter wardrobe?”

I feel Candis stiffen as she pats and rubs my back, still hugging me. “We’ll get to the wardrobe but first we have your procedure. It won’t be easy, but I’ll be by your side the entire time and it will be over quickly so long as you don’t struggle against it.”

Candis starts guiding me outside. I complain that I’m not dressed appropriately, but she pooh poohs my objection away “You’ll have to learn to be immodest Joy. Isiah, the other girls, me, the hands… we’ll all see you in various stages of undress. We’ll get you some clean clothes when we’re done.”

I start to worry as Candis guides me toward a large barn. I see men walking in and out and it seems to be a center of activity here near the homestead. I also hear some animals inside and immediately stiffen when I hear what I believe to be a cow scream out in pain. Candis doesn’t slow down though, and her arm moves around my shoulders, pulling me into the barn.

The main level of the barn has several open stalls, several closed stalls with animals in them, and a large open area that seems designed for many types of work. In the middle of that work area there’s a large, strange contraption. Its metal padded frame looks like it would fit a steer inside of it and when a lever is thrown, would fold in and hold it still. It reminds me briefly of the educational video I’d seen of cows being locked into a milking machine. The device would hold the cow still so that the machine got the best grip on its udders and prevented the cow from shimmying or moving around. Several ranch hands were working on the metal frame, and oddly adding a bench of some sort into it. I couldn’t figure out why they’d add it as now a cow wouldn’t fit through.

Pulling my attention away from the frame, even though Candis was leading me right to it, were the ranch hands next to it. They had a mini furnace working with what looked like a very hot fire. Out of the fire several long metal bars poked out. Only when one of the hands pulled one of the metal bars out did everything come into focus. The end of the metal bar ended in a red-hot interlocked metal B and R.

It was a brand. Similar to the one on Jonas’ shoulder.

I tried to plant my heels into the hay covered ground as the padded metal framework and its bench now made more sense. It couldn’t hold a cow with the bench in it, but it could hold a person. It could hold me. Candis sounded honestly concerned as she simultaneously called out for help and tried to calm me down. “Boys, I need a hand here.” Turning back to me she gripped my shoulders a little tighter “Joy, I know it’s scary looking, but it’ll be over before you know it. They boys are gonna get this done quickly and they’ll only hurt you if you stru…”

There is no way in hell I was going to let them brand me. I never was much of a fighter, but instinct simply took over as I threw a quick elbow into Candis’ gut. It was enough for me to shrug off her arm, turn, and start running. I saw one of the ranch hands standing near the door, but it was big enough that I started heading toward the one side he wasn’t blocking. It seemed strange that he wasn’t charging me and instead simply holding his arms out wide, almost herding me to where I wanted to go.

I realized what he was doing, but it was too late. Just as I changed direction, going in a way he didn’t want me to, I felt the circle of rope descend over my head and cinch up around my upper arms. The lasso cinched in tight just below my breasts and with a yank, pulled me backward and off my feet. I let out a painful cry as I landed and all the wind was blown out of my lungs. Before I could do more than twist or even try to get up, two men were on me. The first with his rough gloves gripped my shoulders and turned me over onto my belly. The second straddled my legs and gripped my wrists, pulling my arms together and behind me.

It felt like they’d done this many times before as the two men quickly had me tied up. My wrists and forearms were bound behind my back and attached to a loop around my throat. I had to either hold my arms up high on my back or **** myself. My legs were similarly immobilized as they were bound at my ankles, calves, and thighs. Even bound as I was, I started to writhe and struggle when they lifted me up and started carrying me toward what was obviously a branding chute. My struggles were in vain though as the men could have overpowered me individually, making the two of them beyond impossible to overthrow. Together they placed me belly first on the bench then folded the padded frame over me until it was holding me tight.

Candis came into view, and I could tell her concern was genuine as she had tears streaming down her cheeks. Reaching forward she cupped my cheek and said through a sob “It’ll be over soon Joy. Just a pinch of pain.”

Out of the side of my eye I saw two men pull rods out of the fire and approach my side. Feeling where the frame was holding me, I realized there was only one clear space left to be branded on. I let the rope cinch tight around my throat as I desperately tried to get my arms down to protect my ass as I felt the ranch hands flip up my nighty and rip off my panties. Tied as they were, my arms still couldn’t get low enough to block the brands. As I was more or less **** myself I was unable to truly scream when the red hot pain shot through me.

When I felt the man pull the brand away, I relaxed my arms and took in a deep breath, getting ready to cry. That’s when the second brand hit, causing my scream to loudly and clearly call out.

I felt the brand pull away as the pain overwhelmed me. The world seemed to go gray, and I heard, more than felt, the hands slapping something over my tortured flesh. Evidently finished with their work, the hands pulled the chute apart and quickly un-roped me. I heard Candis call out something to the men just as I lost consciousness.