Journal Entry 21

Journal Entry 21: November 5th

I've been masturbating every night before bed, and I have to admit, it feels amazing. I've never felt so relaxed and stress-free as I do after a good session.

But the thing that's been troubling me is what I've been imagining while doing it. Specifically, I've been picturing some of my students, and I'm not sure why. It's not like I'm attracted to all of them, or even most of them, but for some reason, when I close my eyes, it's their faces that come to mind.

I know it's wrong to be fantasizing about my students like this and moaning out their names, but I can't help it. I guess, technically, it's only been Mark so far. But I'm good at recognizing trends. Just because I thought of him the last six times I jilled off, doesn't mean it won't be another student next time.

I know it's inappropriate, and I feel guilty about it, but at the same time, I can't deny that it turns me on. It's almost too much to handle and I don't know what to do about these feelings. I know that it's not right to be thinking these things, but at the same time, I can't seem to help myself. Every time I close my eyes, it's his face that I see, and I can't help but touch myself.

I'm not sure what to do about this, but I know that I need to find a way to control these urges. I can't keep fantasizing about my students like this, it's not fair to the, and it's not fair to me either. I just need to figure out a way to move past this and focus on being a responsible teacher.

On a more positive note, I finally got around to updating my wardrobe. I've been eagerly anticipating our next tutoring session, mostly just to see Mark's reaction to my new wardrobe. I can't wait to see the way his eyes light up when he sees me in one of my new dresses. I'm a little nervous, too, about what his reaction might be. I don't want to come across as too forward, but at the same time, I want to show him that I'm making an effort to make sure he feels supported during our sessions.

I've been practicing walking around in my new dresses, just to break them in. They are all tight on me so I want to make sure they adjust to my shape well. I probably won't be able to fit a bra under any of them but that should probably be fine. I know this isn't the type of stuff I normally wear, but it can't hurt to try new things.

For some reason, I've been excited to show off my new wardrobe in public. The backless black summer dress with a sunflower pattern looks amazing on me, and I can't wait to turn some heads the next time I go out. The yellow dress with the button top is a little more casual, but it's still very flattering, especially with the way it hugs my curves. And of course, the red bodycon is the most daring of them all, but I'm feeling confident enough to pull it off.

I'm not sure what Mark will think of my new wardrobe during our session, but I can't help but feel excited to show him how hard I am trying to fit myself to his educational needs. I know that it's a little risky, especially since I'm his teacher, but I can't help myself. I just want to make sure he is comfortable in his own home.