Journal Entries [2/6]

Journal Entry – May 3rd: I can't ignore it anymore. The dreams, they're a part of my nights now, almost every time I close my eyes. Each one is more explicit, leaving me waking up breathless and hard. Last night, I didn't just dream; I acted on it when I woke up. For the first time, I touched myself thinking about the dream. It was no guilty, furtive act this time—I let myself feel everything, really get into it. And when I came, it wasn't just physical relief; it was like letting out a breath I'd been holding for years. I didn't know it could feel like that, didn't know I could feel like that.

Journal Entry – May 8th: It's like the floodgates have opened. Every day, every night feels charged with this electric, sexual energy. Saw a woman at the grocery store today, and I couldn't help but imagine what she looked like under her clothes. I've never let myself think like this before, not consciously. It scares me a bit, but it also feels too good, too natural to push away. And the dreams—now they’re not just fantasies. They’re becoming needs, desires that I want to fulfill. Is this normal? Am I okay? All I know is, I can't, I don't want to stop it.

Journal Entry – May 12th: Another dream, another step into this new world. Tonight, it wasn't just a faceless fantasy but someone I know, someone real. We were together in a way I've never dared imagine awake. It felt so damn good, so right on a level that shatters everything I thought I knew about myself. My old beliefs, my fears—they're clashing with these raw, new feelings. There’s no going back to who I was before these dreams started. I’m scared of where this might lead, but I'm more afraid of denying this part of me any longer.

Journal Entry – May 15th: The dreams are getting wilder, messing with my head and leaving me soaked in sweat every night. Last night, I was in this fucked-up orchard, but instead of fruit, the trees were dripping with breasts, big, juicy tits with nipples hard and just begging to be sucked. Right in the middle of this crazy scene, this chick with a body built for fucking beckoned me over. Her tits were huge and perfect, her hips wide and just screaming to be grabbed. I couldn't hold back. I pressed against her, feeling her massive breasts squish against my chest. She let out this deep moan when I grabbed her thick, juicy ass and yanked her closer. I could feel how wet she was, her desire as thick as my cock straining against my pants. I freed my dick and drove into her without a second thought, her pussy warm and slick, greeting me like I was meant to be there. We fucked right there, under those swinging tits, her legs tight around me as I slammed into her. She was loud, man, really dirty, telling me to fuck her harder. And I did, getting rough, every thrust more **** as I got close to blowing my load deep inside her. But just as I was about to cum, I woke up—my cock hard and aching, dripping with pre-cum. It was too much. The room felt like a fucking prison with all its holy shit staring down at me, but I couldn't stop. I grabbed my cock and jerked off like a madman, every stroke slick, thinking of her tight pussy clenching around me. I imagined pounding her, her tits bouncing with every thrust. I came with this loud, guttural moan, my cum shooting out in thick ropes all over my stomach. It shook me, man, that orgasm hit me so hard I was left shaking, but then the shame crashed down on me. I wiped off, freaking out that my parents might have heard me going at it. The guilt hit hard, all those crucifixes and holy pictures in my room judging the hell out of me for getting off so hard.

Journal Entry – May 20th: It's like every woman I see now lights a fire inside me. Today at the market, there was this woman wearing a dress so tight it looked painted on her. Her breasts were just about popping out. I couldn't peel my eyes away. All I could think about was pulling her to the side, right there between the fruit stands, hiking up that snug dress, and taking her from behind. I imagined how I'd hold onto her hips, thrusting into her, watching her breasts bounce in rhythm with each hard push. Damn, my cock was so hard it hurt, throbbing with these wild, taboo fantasies as I rushed home, my face hot with a mix of shame and excitement. This stuff shouldn't turn me on this much, but it does, and part of me loves it.

Journal Entry – May 28th: Church was absolute **** today. Couldn't concentrate on anything during the sermon except Sister Martha's mouth as she sang the hymns. Those full, red lips of hers... damn, I kept picturing them wrapped around my cock, sucking me off right there. I fantasized about dragging her off to some quiet corner as soon as the service ended, hiking up her habit, and finding her dripping wet for me. I imagined fucking her mouth, watching her try to take me all in, her eyes tearing up, mascara starting to run. That image got me so hard I had to cover my lap with a hymn book, silently begging for some kind of relief or forgiveness, whichever could come first to save me from this madness.