Joanie from Stores needs putting in her place!

It was my good fortune that through many years of diligent service to the Company, I had acquired a depth of knowledge of how it operated that was second to none. As far as I was concerned, the rest of the world was potentially hostile territory but once within the Company's confines, I felt truly in my element. There, I could make things happen in a way I was incapable of doing anywhere else and so there it was I decided to dump poor Joanie.

We got up, got dressed and with my now totally co-operative wife's assistance, managed to get Joanie's clothes back on her. It took a while, though this was mainly due to both of us indulging in much gratuitous groping of our deceased little darling's more feminine assets. Yes, even in ****, Joanie attracted us like shit attracts flies. After laying her on a bed sheet, we were able to drag her down the stairs and through the house to the car without much difficulty. Since rigor mortice had not yet set in, nor would it for a further hour, we were able to coil her up in the boot of the car.

I timed our arrival at the Company to coincide with the Security team's change of shift. At that time, those coming on would be chatting with those going off and so no one would be monitoring the cctv monitors. With the aid of a trolley borrowed from the Despatch Bay, we were able to wheel the still coiled corpse to the Stores. I had envisaged needing to break in there but the gods of dodgy doings were clearly on our side because the door was still unlocked. My guess was that since the door to the Stores was always locked outside of normal working hours, Security had, in their complacency, assumed it was and not bothered to check.

We un-coiled Joanie on the floor next to the stack of heavy bales of plastic sheeting which, with a little forceful persuasion from both Maureen and I, tragically toppled over on top of Joanie. Had she still been alive, she might have survived had she not been rendered **** when the back of her goofy little head struck the hard concrete floor..... and I'd made well sure that the back of Joanie's head really had struck the hard concrete floor before the stack toppled on her. It was, as far as the rest of the world was concerned, just Joanie's sheer back luck that one of the heavy bales happened to engulfed her cute little comatosed face and smothered her.

I noticed that the Stores computer was still turned on. It was displaying the weekly staffing rota and according to what I saw on the screen, every single member of Stores staff had been rota'd off that day. Joanie name wasn't even on the list. In a flash, I could see what had happened. She'd turned up early and eager for her first day in Stores, been told not to touch anything and left alone for a few fateful moments. During those moments, Joanie had had an exploratory tinker with the computer and inadvertently cancelled everybody's shift. Well, there's no arguing with a computer is there! Everybody knows a computer can't lie. If it said you weren't working that particular day, then you weren't working. There could be any number of reasons for this: Stores being closed for essential maintenance; stock check by the Auditor; the Company going into liquidation; one thing was certain, each and every member of the team appeared to have been granted an unexpected paid day off and so as soon as they became aware of this, fled the scene before the powers that be changed their minds about it. Joanie was left alone and in charge. She knew what she'd done and this was all her fault. She also knew that nobody else knew and so set about keeping it that way. She invented the story of the rest of the staff being summoned to the Auditor's office and stuck to it. She reasoned that everybody would be back tomorrow with no one being any the wiser. In this assumption, she was just as wrong as when she thought that seducing my wife was a good idea. She was just one of those people who get blinded by their own optimism and I guess her being a raving nymphomaniac hadn't helped.

Just then, the phone rang, my conditioned reflexes in a working environnent kicked in and before I could stop myself, I'd answered it. A faltering male voice said "hello, is Joan there?" What could I say?

".....er....y..yes, but she's not able to get to the phone right now. Er....can I give her a message?"

"Oh yes! Would you? That'd be great." He sounded much more confident now. "Can you tell her that I'm leaving her for Roger. She'll know who it is; it's not unexpected. I've taken all my stuff so what's left is hers to do whatever she likes with. Oh and Roger says tell her not to call; a girl like her takes a lot of recovering from and the cleaner the break, the better for all concerned. Have you got all that?"

"Yes, I'll pass all that on and er.....I hope you and Roger will be very happy together."

"We already are, he's such a dear and undemanding sweetie generally, though once in bed, he's sheer dynamite. Roger by name, roger by nature and believe me, you know when you've been rogered by Roger. Right, must go, he's waiting upstairs. Thanks for....well, just thanks. Bye!"

Maureen and I spent the rest of the night in the Executive Suite, another place Security is loathe to check, just in case a big and scary boss is in there "entertaining" his secretary. This was because us driving off now would only attract Security's attention and arouse suspicion. As it happens, there wasn't a boss in residence this particular evening, the furniture was plush and comfortable to sleep on, so that's what we did.

I took advantage of the en-suite facilities to shave and freshen up so I was able to appear at my desk all bright eyed and bushy tailed the following morning. I left Maureen having breakfast in the staff canteen...with Ann from Finance. They seemed to hit it off straight away and she's since become one of our many, dear and intimate new friends.

As for Joanie, a tragic accident or misaventure? The Coroner couldn't decide which so she returned an verdict open. The rest of the Stores staff got two more paid says off. One while Joanie's **** was investigated with the body in situe and another for her funeral. Quite a few people attended, including Graham from Planning who didn’t look at Joanie's coffin with sadness so much as with.....relief?