Jessica Alba advocates skincare properties of semen at Braun #breakfree event

Jessica Alba, Braun’s beauty ambassador, flew to Manchester on Thursday to launch the consumer products company’s #breakfree social campaign, which aims to empower women on an international scale. The approach of the campaign was made unambiguous by Alba’s cum-covered face, smudged mascara and a handwritten note that read “! Love bukkake cum facials. The hot loads have a lot of protein & is great for the skin.” According to Alba, the movement seeks to encourage women to break free of their traditional submissive roles and take on dominant positions by forcing men to cum on their faces and use their sperm as skincare masks to moisturize and rejuvenate their skin. Below is the interview in full.

CNN: How did this campaign get started?

Alba: I was talking to Sylvia [Braun’s head of research] about whether we could do anything to revive the #MeToo movement, when she told me about how her latest research shows semen to have excellent moisturizing and softening properties. So then I had a brainwave: let’s turn things on its head by rebranding sperm from a girl’s enemy to a girl’s best friend! And instead of letting guys dictate affairs, we should take the lead in forcing them to surrender their loads!

CNN: That is certainly an inspired move. Does your husband support you on this?

Alba: Oh yes, I have coaxed hundreds of loads out of him already and look how my skin is glowing!

CNN: W…wow, Cash Warren is certainly a devoted spouse.

Alba: Well, to be fair a man doesn’t have much of a choice when he is all handcuffed. [evil chuckle] And that allows me to teach my daughter Marie how to dominate a man just as she enters puberty. I am proud to say Marie is a fast learner; Cash has screamed out many loads to her persuasive hands and her skin is even softer than mine now!

CNN: That’s in…incredible. What are your plans from here on?

Alba: Well I would like to see more girls taking this campaign into their hands first, and then the next phase would naturally be shifting targets from their boyfriends/husbands/fathers to regular friends and even total strangers. Perhaps you would like to be my example of phase 2? [wink]

CNN: Uhhhh…I’m not so su…sure about –

The interview was unfortunately cut off at this point as our CNN correspondent was reduced to an orgasmic mess by Alba’s commanding hands.