Jason wakes up as Harley, Harley as Talia, Talia as Jason

Before the magic could finish it's work, a series of smoke bombs detonated in the chamber where Ra's and his men were waiting. From the plooms of smoke, the Dark Knight himself emerged. Batman's face remained blank with a slight frown. He'd grown tired of Ra's' antics over the years. Time and time again, the Demon's Head tried to raze Gotham to the ground and every single villainous plot he concocted, no matter how meticulous, Batman foiled them all.

"Well if it isn't Bruce Wayne in the flesh!"

Ra's stood, twirling his sword.

"It's about time you showed up. You're already too late!"

"That's what they all say," another voice spoke from the veil of smoke. Damian Wayne emerged in his Robin costume at his father's side. He dragged his sharpened blade along the cavern floor and raised it towards Ra's.

"Hello, grandfather... I wish I could say it's nice to see you... but it isn't."

Batman's HUD highlighted the three bodies in the Lazarus Pit.

"Damian, the Pit. Get them out of there. Ra's is mine!"

He stared the Demon's Head down as the two began to circle each other. Damian swiftly incapacitated the goons Ra's had by the Pit and began to pull Jason out of the pool.

"Damn, you're heavy!"

"Language, Robin!"

His father interjected as he blocked one of Ra's' slashes with his triangle bladed gauntlets.

"You hold the boy back, Bruce! He was supposed to take my place before you corrupted him with your cowardly code!"

"He's doesn't need to kill to be strong, it takes strength and resolve to not cross that line. Something you wouldn't understand!"

He countered Ra's, removing the blade from his hands and casting it aside. He sent the Demon's Head stumbling away from him which only angered him further. Ra's was a legendary assassin being bested by a man that refused to kill. He had every reason to be furious.

"Resolve that you lack, Ra's."

"Don't you see? Your hesitation to do what must be done is why Gotham remains a cesspool of crime and villainy! If you'd killed the Joker long ago, think of how many lives you would have preemptively saved! Including Jason's!"

Ra's and Batman continued to duke it out while Damian pulled Jason, Harley, and his mother from the Lazarus Pit. He had no clue what his grandfather was trying to accomplish by sticking three people in the pit at once but it couldn't be anything good.

"Jason, come on, wake up you big lug!"

Damian slapped Jason's face lightly.

"I'm up, I'm up..."

Jason replied but it wasn't with his voice. He answered Damian but the lips on Jason's face didn't move.

"Wait, what's up with my voice?!"

Jason covered her mouth with both hands, her eyes wide in shock. She shot upright, coughing up some of the Lazarus Pit water. She looked down to see the pale curvy body of none other than everyone's favorite psychotic psychiatrist. Her ivory cleavage rested snugly in the red and black bodice she wore. Jason examined her manicured nails which followed the red and black theme of her outfit.

"I'm... I'm... Harley?"

It was undeniable. Her voice, her body, the fact that her actual body was strewn out across from her.

"Yes, very good, Quinn. We know that you are Harley."

Damian rolled his eyes, unamused by the blonde's antics.

"Just shut up and help me get these two out of here," he gestured to Jason and his mom.

"No, Damian, wait, I'm not Harley, I'm Jason!"

"We don't have time for your games, circus freak, now help me move them!"

Jason saw Batman dueling Ra's in the cavern where she'd just been defeated by him. She was glad Bruce finally tracked her down. Took him long enough. Batman lobbed several batarangs at the Demon's Head, Ra's dodging each of them as they exploded against the cave walls.

She didn't have time to explain her body situation to Damian since the place started to rumble. They had to get out of there soon before the whole chamber collapsed in on itself from their fight. Jason helped Damian carry her and Talia's **** bodies out of the cave and to the batjet that was waiting in the courtyard outside. She had a much harder time dragging her own body along since she was significantly weaker physically in Harley's body vice her own. She felt a lot more flexible and light on her feet, though. An interesting trade off.

Damian occasionally put his mother's body down to deal with any League reinforcements being sent their way. He cleared a path for Jason to put her body in the batjet and she climbed in. The cavern below finally caved in on itself and Batman emerged from the pit. He caught up to Damian and Jason and hopped into the pilot seat. A horde of assassins emerged from the insides of the main structure. Arrows struck the hull of the batjet as it took off.

Once the jet was high up enough Batman could finally relax. He set the aircraft to autpilot and turned his chair to face Harley. "What were you doing in Nanda Parbat, Harley?"

"Bruce, listen to me, I am not Harley Quinn!"

Batman squinted. How else did Harley know his secret identity? He had to be certain. Ra's did call him Bruce earlier but that was before Harley was awake.

"Would you quit joking around, Quinn? It's not funny," Damian frowned.

"Tell me something only Jason would know," he folded his arms.

Jason paused for a second.

"You... you held me as I died after the Joker beat me with a crowbar..." Harley's voice staggered slightly. It wasn't a night Jason enjoyed reliving.

"Jason?"

Bruce didn't want to believe it. Magic was undeniably real, he just didn't like dealing with it unless he had an expert with him.

"Yes, it's Jason!"

"If you're in Harley's body..."

Bruce thought for a second. That would be very bad. "Damian, restrain them both."

"Fine..."

Damian didn't know what to make of this either. He looked up to Jason as one of his older brothers. The thought of him somehow winding up in a blonde insane clown posse reject's body just made him feel weird. He securely tied Jason's body and his mother's body to the other two open seats and they waited for them to come to.

First, Talia's body stirred.

"Oooohh, what a trip..." she groaned.

The brunette went to move her arms but struggled against the binds. "Woah, I knew you were into black latex, but I didn't consent to no BDSM, B-Man! We ain't even picked a safeword yet!" Harley laughed in Talia's voice. "Hey, what did you do with my clothes?" She looked down to see Talia's catsuit. It looked like the kind of thing her friend Selina would wear. _"And my voice...?" _She kept moving her head to try and get her long flowing hair out of her eyes. Then she saw Jason in her body sitting across from her.

"Hey! You're not me! What gives?!"

"Yep, this one's Harley alright..." Jason sighed.

"We switched bodies, Harley, if it wasn't obvious already."

_"Oh really? Tell me something only I would know! Wait..." _that didn't make sense.

"Ugh, this is so annoying! I have to teach you how to put on my makeup, which conditioner to use-"

"Yeah, we're not doing any of that..."

"The hell we ain't! You can't be running around as me doing whatever you want! I got a public image to upkeep! I'm famous, y'know!"

"I think the word you're looking for is infamous," Damian stood on the side with his arms folded. He didn't like seeing Harley in his mother's body.

"Why am I tied up anyway?"

"Do we really need to explain why?"

"Jason, why did Ra's put the three of you in the pit?"

Bruce doubted the desired effect was to put him in Harley's body.

"Ra's had Talia kidnap me so he could duel me and if I won, he was going to make me the new Demon's Head," she explained in Harley's Jersey accent.

"He won, obviously, stabbed me and threw me into the pit. His backup plan was to put Talia in my body and make her the next Demon's Head. Harley just kind of showed up..."

Bruce sighed.

"I'm not sure how we're going to fix this..."

This was an absolute mess.

"Can't we just go back and put them in the water again?"

Damian interjected.

"Easier said than done. They'll be expecting us to try that. Their forces will be on the defensive," Bruce shot that idea down. It was the first thing he thought of too.

"The cave also collapsed as I left it. Even if we did have a **** wish and wanted to go back, it'll take the League some time to clear the debris."

"So what now?"

Jason looked to Bruce with Harley's eyes.

"We go home. Lock up Harley and Talia in the batcave's holding cells until we figure out how to reverse this. I'll talk to John Constantine and Zatanna. See if we can come up with a solution..."

Bruce wasn't promising anything. If Ra's' plan was to put Talia in Jason's body, it worked. He needed to keep her out of Ra's hands until he could fix this.

Later... in the deep dark lair of the BATMAN...

The batjet descended down into the cave and onto the landing platform. Barbara and Alfred were waiting patiently. Bruce had notified them both about the situation ahead of his arrival. The side door to the jet opened and Batman stepped out carrying Jason's on his back. Jason in Harley's body carried a tied up Harley in Talia's body with Damian.

The sight was an odd one to see from Batgirl's perspective. Alfred had seen Bruce carry Jason's body home once before and it was a memory he did not cherish.

"So... you're Jason..?"

Barbara helped carry Talia and put her inside one of the containment cells on the side of the cave. She was having a hard time processing that the edgy brooding Red Hood was now in the body of a crazy blonde woman.

"It's me, Babs..."

Jason sighed. She'd probably have to go through this same song and dance with everybody in Bruce's circle.

"So uh... how do you feel?"

"Don't worry about how I feel, I'm fine," she dismissed the question.

"Hey! Where are you two goin?"

Harley shouted after them as they walked away from the cell they secured her in. They placed Talia in Jason's body in the one right next to hers.

"I haven't even told you which lotion you need to use yet!"

"Well, if you need any help adjusting to... this..." she gestured to Jason's new body. It was hard to believe the intimidating Red Hood was now a blonde female circus freak.

"I've been a girl a long time. Since the day I was born, in fact. I can help you if you have any questions or need anything, okay? This isn't gonna be forever. Just until Batman figures out how to fix this."

Barbara was called in specifically for that purpose. Mainly because Bruce didn't want to have to deal with it himself while he was focusing on figuring out how to reverse whatever it was the pit did to them.

Before Jason could respond, an alert flashed on the batcomputer. Commissioner Gordon activated the Batsignal again.

"Time to go,"

Jason smiled widely, looking much more like Harley by doing so. Finally, something that felt normal.

"Not like that, you're not," Bruce turned away from the computer and walked toward the Batmobile.

"Robin, you're up," he looked to the boy wonder and he moved to his father's side.

"But Batman-"

"But nothing. You aren't yourself... literally. You're also grounded from patrol for going out to investigate the League of Assassins without me," he had already made his mind up. Jason knew arguing with him was fruitless. He was as stubborn as a brick wall made of smaller brick walls.

Batman and Robin took off in the batmobile to answer the batsignal, leaving Barbara and Jason alone with Alfred and their two detainees.