Jasmine's solace

Jasmine's solace- rough draft v1

The air between Natalie and me feels thick, fraught with unsaid words and bubbling emotions. I can see a flicker of fear in her eyes as I finally voice what I've been thinking, "Natalie, I... I need to think. I need some space to sort myself out."

Her face turns ashen at my words, like she's seeing a ghost. I can see her mind working, misinterpreting my words, thinking that I'm about to leave her for good. I reach out, gently gripping her arm, my touch meant to reassure. "No, Natalie," I correct, my voice gentle yet firm, "I'm not leaving. I just need...a long shower, by myself."

A look of hope flashes in her eyes, quickly replaced by a proposal. "Shall we...," she begins, her voice barely a whisper, "go together? You know, like we usually do when... when things get tough?"

It's tempting, and for a moment, I consider it. We've shared many showers, an intimate space where we'd sought solace, comfort, and sometimes just pure fun, teasing and laughing as we pretended to be more focused on getting clean than each other. But this time, I needed solitude.

"Natalie," I shake my head, looking into her pleading eyes, "I need to be alone right now. To figure things out. And... you need to do the same."

Natalie tries to counter, the desperation in her eyes intensifying. But I recognize it for what it is - the effects of the hypnosis still linger, prompting her to overstep, to cling tighter. "Natalie," I hold her gaze, my voice steady, "you need to listen to your de-program file. It's important. We both need this."

Silence falls between us, a tense pause filled with the weight of our unspoken fears and hopes. And with a **** nod, Natalie agrees, her hand reaching for the headset while I retreat into the sanctuary of the bathroom, ready to face myself.

The shower is long, the hot water turning lukewarm and then cold by the time I finally reach for the soap. The silence is deafening, the rush of water failing to drown out my thoughts. But I allow myself to think, to really delve into what I've experienced and how it's changed me. I reflect on the paths I've taken and the decisions I've made, and slowly, clarity begins to emerge.

I realize that the hypnosis didn't necessarily change my desires or goals - rather, it amplified them to the ****, propelling me towards success at a breakneck pace. It made me strive for excellence in every aspect of my life, from my transition to my work and college life, to my interpersonal relationships. It made me ignore red flags in Natalie's behavior that I should've recognized sooner, and it intensified my love for her to an almost obsessive level.

I don't regret the changes I've made in my life, but I can't ignore how the hypnosis drove me to reach them in such a hurried, single-minded way. And I can't ignore how it made me blind to Natalie's actions. I was always ready and eager to follow her lead after her first time taking the lead, and always so achingly horny. This was the first time since being in this apartment that the idea of masturbating, fucking, or being fucked by Natalie wasn't a constant background thought, let alone the first time I've been able to take a shower with out at least edging myself.

As I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around myself, I feel a newfound determination. I know that I can still have a happy life with Natalie, but it will require changes. We'll need to establish boundaries, clear and strong, and we'll need to communicate better.

With these thoughts in my mind, I step out of the bathroom, only to find Natalie hunched over in her chair, tears streaming down her face. The sight of her sobbing after the end of her de-programming session momentarily pushes my resolution aside, my concern for her well-being taking precedence over everything else.