It is Mum's best friend

“Wh-What?” blusters the woman, coming to a sudden halt at the door. I look at her, standing there in her woolly jumper and long conservative dress, and realise with a horror who it is. Mrs Harding! My mum’s unbearably conservative best friend from Church.!

I am so embarrassed that I want the floor to open up and swallow me... and for some clothes to appear over my body! The gleams between my legs and the heat eminating from my body make it impossible for her to think anything else other than three words: “Having a wank”.

Not that Judith Harding would call it a “wank” of course, she didn’t even have a word for it.

“You – you’re doing that THING!!”, she says, her hand going to her face as the colour rises to her cheeks. This woman is not known for her liberal thinking...

“No, no, I..” I try to explain, but those large accusing eyes, framed by her long straight hair, are having none of it.

“That is absolutely disgusting!!” she shouts, her hand dropping to point at a wet gleam down my legs, while the other hand grips the doorknob. Her long fingers go white as they grip it for dear life!