It's Half Time

The buzzer went - TIME OUT!

It was half time and a goreous curly blonde girl in a sparkly blue dress steps out with the microphone in hand. "This gives us a chance to RECAP what we've seen so far, what's in store for us, what's up next, and maybe have a brief interview with our contestants before we send them out to wipe out their remaining men:

First here's an instant replay of the first men that lost it all here today, do you care to comment on this Keira?" - she steps up to the girl with the mike.

"Yes, sure, i'd love to. I knew that a nice, tender uppercut or two to the man's balls would loosen him up nicely. While I was giving my first lucky recipient a good tenderizing, we see on the replay that Cath immediately caught hers by the genitals, with an expert tight grip, one testicle in each hand and squeezing with all she had. In her years of experience she has handled men's testicles many a time, not always in a loving manner and so she knows perfectly how to maximize the potential for damage. She expertly held each orb in place with her palms and thumbs and applied al the pressure with the tips of the other 4 fingers. This allowed her sharp and long nails to pierce the big nuts like spears. When the hard rubbery tissue that encases each testicle was pierced, mushing she soft interior to pulp took just a split second. Here you see Catherine inspecting her work while she feels the man's orbs collapsing and turning to mush. Catherine's first man falls to the ground like a sack of potatoes, his once amazingly full scrotum was just an empty pouch. She didn't waste a second looking at the man whose masculinity she's just destroyed."
"That's Man down, and 95 points were awarded to her as she stepped over him and up to her next victim." adds the presenter.

"Yeah, that's when I decided to copy Cath, brushed my man's big dick aside and took a firm grasp of the neck of his scrotum. My fist squeezed his sack between his body and his testicles. This Isolated his testicles and pushed them away from his abdomen. The huge testicles were now in my closed fist. I tightened my
grasp around his sack to the point were his testicles were forming a meaty 8 shape. Then came the hammer blow. His mannuts were sanwiched between my grasping hand and my super fast punching fist. His balls were COMPLETELY flattened." - "yeah, that was MAN DOWN and you were awarded 82 points for that effort."

"Then Catherine came very close to her next man and gave him a distration smile, this gets them every time! while she put her hands in his shoulders. The loser never saw her leg coming. Only an expert like herself could deliver them with such accuracy without taking her eyes off the male's eyes." said Keira.
"Yeah, it was Man Down and the maximum 100 points were awarded." explains the presenter.

Keira continues with the next replay "I knew I had to catch up, so I bended it like Beckham. A good "Thud" and the instep of my gorgeous silky foot landed perfectly on his big balls. I smiled thinking how the effect must be on his side. The man stood paralized for a second then suddenly Man Down, Kiss of **** time"
"Yes, and you were awarded the full 100 points on that one too, Keira"

"Then Cath's third dork too succumbed to her incredible Goddess's eyes and the dark long curly hair and as she drove her knee forward, her thigh slammed up against his balls, leaving the fool stunned in position, motionless. Then Catherine Zeta Jones reached down, and while still looking defiantly at him like she did in Zorro, her right hand reached his balls, and started to squeeze harder and harder.
Catherine Zeta Jones squeezed harder, until everthing burst like a grape within the sack. A gentle forehead tap was enough to send her demasculized fool to the ground, winning 90 more points, and then she strode forward, and grabbed her next two men both by the balls and both at the same time, and it was not long until her squeeze started to lead to signs of the strain being too much for one of the balls, with complete breakage imminent."

"And Keira launched her foot deep into groin, crushing a man's pride while also rupturing a testilce."
"Yes, the boy fell to the ground and cried like a baby, he was worth 95 points to me. Meanwhile I moved on to the next one, my momentum and rhythm starting to flow, and so I kicked another one and landed right on the mark, then another, also right on the money, and a third (my number six), again with her single kick to the groin accompanied by a "Hughghghh!" and followed by the thud of a man falling to the groin ****. Now I was over 200 points in the lead." explained Keira.
" But then the lunatic of a creep I had to do next suddenly decided to run off, and I was having to chase after him. "Oh, you are going to pay SOOO HARD for this" is what I said to him at that moment" said Keira, quickly cornering the fool up against a wall ... "The crowd cheered me on. Catherine had already wrecked a ball in each hand, but she was not letting go. She seemed intent on crushing and wrecking each and every last remnant of a ball in there, and that is exactly what she did, thoroughly crushing the second lot of balls then going back to the mangled remains of the first ones to ensure they were completely ruined, even following both men down onto their knees and still not letting up, then back to the second ones again. "What's the matter, asked a referee girl, still not done with them?"
"No" replied the fiery Welsh dame, "these two were among the boys who used to bully me at school, they set my acting career back a few years, I used to cry myself to sleep .... But NOW LOOK at me, and who's having the last laugh now, eh guys? Needless to say, she got 200 points for giving them hell."

Keira adds "While the crunching went on in the Welsh corner, I had now trapped my escapee up against a wall and was busy administering some well-earned knees to the balls of my naughty victim. "Because you have been so naughty, I am going to have to do a Zeta Jones on you", I said. "Even though he fell to his knees to plead to me, I kept on kicking him until he was on his back, then jumped onto him and began to squeeze his balls with my bare hand too. I was irate, and he HAD TO SUFFER! And so he did, enduring kicks, knees, palm squashings, ball step ons, the works, worth 105 points"

"Cath's very presence made the next one ejaculate - she pointed to the ground - he obeyed, laying on his back and Catherine Zeta Jones stepped into between his legs. This one was squashed under her foot as she simply stood on his jewels" ...
Catherine with a naughty smile then lifted her bare foot over his sac organs and waited for a second to ensure the angle was right before stomping hard. She put all her weight into it and was the first to notice when he was desexed. She easily broke first one and then the other testicle, burst forever. Then she just walked away towards the next man, leaving behind an empty looking scrotum and a shattered man. She was awarded 100 points for speed and style.

Then Keira, you took one mini step back and your hard heel smashed some balls like a sledge hammer." "Yes I turned just in time to see that only one of his testicles was coming back down. I didn't loose time checking if the other was smashed or if it had been kicked back inside his body. As soon as he fell, I was on to the next. I have a lead to defend, after all."

This next one was a muscular giant with huge testicles, which ended up in my mouth and the biting action was SUCH a turn on for me, as I felt both balls squash completely between my teeth.. I was in heaven!"

"And so are your scores. You lead by 92 points at the half way mark." responded the presenter, stepping aside and allowing Keira to visit the make-up mirror too.

Now up next is the second half, and next week on Celebrity Nutcrackers, tune in to see the first ever World Cup of synchronized ballbusting. This new sport brings together all the elements (and ladies!) of your wildest fantasy! And boy are the men in for a squashing !!!!

Your votes here and now decide which ten of the many applicants will take part in this unique event. Only ten teams of girls go through, so please vote for your favourite ones now.
Vote 1 for the Cheeky Girls
Vote 2 for Relic Hunter and Tia Carrera
Vote 3 for Girls Aloud
Vote 4 for Amanda Coetzer & Daniela Hantuchova
Vote 5 for American Gladiators (Ice, Diamond, Sky, Lace, Blaze & Electra) or UK or Australian versions
Vote 6 for Angelina Jolie & Gwen Stefani
Vote 7 for Atomic Kitten
Vote 8 for Baise Moi (two angry but cute French checks)
Vote 9 for Billie Piper & Melinda Messenger
Vote 10 for Kate Moss & Kate Winslet
Vote 11 for Britney Spears & Madonna
Vote 12 for Buffy Sarah Michelle Gellar & Willow
13 for Charlotte Church & Drew Barrymore
14 Katie Melua & Celine Dione
15 for Chanel No 5, Lancome, Givenchy & Hermes perfume girls;
16 Charlize Theron & Paris Hilton
17 Chelsea Clinton & Martine McCutcheon
18 for Christina Aguilera & Konnie Huq
19 for Tpenga & Sabrina the Knows It All Witch
20 for Colleen Rooney & Nigella Lawson, the domestic WAGgesses
21 for Sheena Jungle Princess & the saudage shop FBI girl
22 for CSI’s Jorja Fox (straight blk hair) & NCIS's Agent Dahveed
23 for Elle McPherson & Cameron Diaz
24 for Giselle Bundchen & Claudia Schiffer
25 for the English Babe from Fraser & Kirsty Alley from Cheers
26 for Geri Halliwell, Sporty Spice & Spice Girl Emma Bunton
27 for Ginger and Mary-Anne from Gilligan's Island
28 for the Sugababes
29 for Atomic Kitten
30 for the Pussycat Dolls
31 for Heather Locklear & Jenny Garth
32 for Shannen Doherty & her Charmed Witch pals
33 for Jennifer Aniston & Coutney Cox, Monica and Rachel from Friends
34 for Jennifer Ellison & Ulrika Jonsson
35 for Jennifer Lopez & Penelope Cruz
36 for Jordan “Killertits” Katie Price & Jade Goody
37 for Julia Roberts & Nigella Lawson
38 for Angelina Jolie & Charlotte Church
39 for Kelly from Married with Children dressed as "the Verminator" & I Dream Of Jeannie
40 for Kim Basinger & Michelle Pfeiffer
41 for Kylie & Dani Minogue
42 for Liz Hurley (as in Austin Powers, etc) & Kate Moss
43 for Maria Sharapova & Anna Kournikova
44 for Miss Creamer the golfer babe & Cynthia Rothrock
45 for Monica Lewinksy & Lorena Bobbit
46 for Monica Seles & Oxana Bajul (the girl who beat Nancy Kerrigan, tampon girl)
47 for Myleene Klass & Relic Hunter
48 for Nicole Kidman & the Redhead from tatu
49 for Sabrina the Teenage Witch & Avril Lavigne
50 for Nikkala, & Zoe, the swimsuit duo from The Sun Page 3
51 for Pamela Anderson & Melinda Messenger
52 for Rachel Hunter & the dark-haired Welsh lass main character from Torchwood
53 for Sandra Bullock & Sophie Ellis-Bextor
54 for all five Spice Girls
55 for The Twins (Sam & Amanda Olsen)
56 for Trinny and Susannah
57 for Wonder Woman & Supergirl Helen Slater
or 58 for Xena & Gabrielle

There are five sets of gold, silver and bronze medal to be won by the chosen ten teams: one for style, one for damage, one for passion & synchronicity, one for the all round composed of five times 18-20 pojnts for aim, looks, control, style/elegance and synchronicity, and one for looks, aim, style, control, & damage/crunchitude, with draws in all five decided in favour of whoever does a routine that is closer to 5 minutes long.

In the one for damage, there is 1 bonus point for each man with damaged testicles before even falling to the ground, and 1 bonus point for each man whose nuts are squooshed at the same time as the team mate.

So do kee those votes coming in .... we will reveal our ten finalists right after the second half. Now let's bring out the divine angels, the heavenly goddesse, the perfect images of womanhood again, Catherine Zeta Jones and Keira Knightley!!!

There is a massive cheer from the audience, and plackards are held up supporting their techniques and suggesting more vicousness.