Pot Heads

My former room mate Rutherford was a large-scale **** dealer; I knew that this was how he made his money and how he paid rent, and I knew he had been growing marijuana in our basement. I had no problem with it, so long as I didn't see any trouble from it, and I haven't, and so long as he kept me high on free pot, which he did. Today, however my room mate moved out.

I arrive home to find that Rutherford and much of his things weren't there anymore. He left his groceries, his furniture, as well as his television, but he took almost everything else he owned. I go down to his room and find that it has been cleaned out. No clothes, no pictures or paraphernalia, no ****. On the kitchen counter, I discover a note in Rutherford's hurried handwriting.

It reads as follows: "Got tipped off to po-po, had to flee, sorry. Sold car. Bad plates. Half the money along with a present in 'secret hiding spot.' Most amazing pot I ever seen. Every girl I smoked it with wanted to go down on me soon after. Often more, you're welcome. See ya when it's safe. --Ruf"

The phrasing is typical to notes of Rutherford's. He always signs his name in this short-handed way, even though no one ever calls him by such an abbreviation. I use the note to start a fire in the fireplace. It is fall and the climate is cooling. Downstairs, I open a door that appears as a wall. Behind it, I find two thousand dollars in hundred and fifty dollar bills in a rubber-band; they sit upon a half of a pound of dense nugs, which I open and inhale; the sheer scent is intoxicating. I pocket the two grand.

I roll some of it into a small joint and smoke it. It gets me fairly stoned, and I feel a little horny but not outstandingly, and I have no noticeable urge whatsoever to perform oral sex upon anyone. I'm skeptical but definitely willing to try the stuff out on some poon-tang. I roll a half a dozen more joints and put them in my front pocket.

Now I've just got to figure out where a bus can take me, since I no longer have a car. Piece of shit though it was, I miss the luxury.