Irresistible

I don't have much that I can complain about in this world. I have a job that keeps me busy and pays me well. I have family that loves and supports me unconditionally. All my friends want is for me to have fun, and someday find the one for me. However there is one thing that I would love to change. One thing that would make my life just that much better right now. I really wish I could get laid. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get any one to fuck me.

I don't want to sound narcissistic but I knew it had nothing to do with my looks. I'm 6 foot with tanned skin and beach blonde hair. People always told me that they were sure I would have men and women lining up outside my house begging to go out with me. Those people were mostly my parents but I knew they weren't wrong. I had the looks part down, I had joined the football team as a kid and kept that going through to university. Where I currently resided. I was young, muscular man of 20 and yet I couldn't find someone who wanted to spend the night with me. I was worried if it was because of my personality, or some other factor that I was unaware of but no one could tell me what it is. My balls have been filled so long that I'm starting to worry they'll explode.

Every guy I met just told me that they saw me as a friend, that they'd love to hang out with me but not in that way. They always let me down gently but never realised that I didn't want a long term thing. I just wanted one night of sex. One night that would get me off and I wouldn't have to worry about being cursed with this dry spell any more. No one ever took me up on the offer though. Even when I went on apps I never got any hits. It was starting to make me go crazy. What did I need to do to get laid. I would do anything.

There are so many men in my life now that I would jump at the chance to be with any of them. I can hear my roommate, Ben, moving around outside. He's straight but a real ally. Since the day we moved in together all he's done is support me once I told him I was gay. He says he just wants me to be happy and find someone to be with. Sometimes I wonder if he'd ever let me make a move on him, if I was with him at the right time and place would he ask what it's like to be with a man. I know that will never happen though, he doesn't see me like that and I'm content with just having a great guy as a roommate.

My phones going off too. I wonder who could be messaging me at this time.

It's from Dylan.

Hi mate, don't forget emergency team meeting tomorrow at 12. Try and eat lunch beforehand it's going to be a long day.

Wouldn't miss it for the world Dylan. I reply

Dylan is the captain of our football team. He's the one who convinced me to join up. Around a year ago he saw me playing football in the park with Ben and approached us both about joining. Ben said he didn't have time but I jumped at the chance. Once I made sure that the guys would be fine having a gay guy on the team I signed up there and then. Dylan is one of the sweetest guys I know, a level of innocence that many people don't have any more protects him from the world around us. He's also super fit too, which doesn't hurt his social status around uni. There's something about him that just feels safe and never once has he made me feel less than.

I also have another message from Albert, my sort of step brother. He moved in with us when I was around 17, so when I was getting ready to leave and live my own life. His grandmother was no longer able to take care of him and my parents decided that they had to resources and time to look after him. He's 19 now, so only a year younger than me and he goes here too. Or he will. He took a gap year after his grandmother passed and has only just decided that now is the time for him to get back into education. He moved in at the beginning of this term, and now he's just trying to figure himself out.

Dinner tomorrow? Not seen you all week. Missing you.

Yeah sure I reply quickly.

Albert and I became close quite fast. He said that I was the friend he always wanted. I don't see him as family because to me he's basically just my best friend. He knows that I only want what's best for him and that's all he wants for me too.

There's been no interest on my hookup app yet, no ones even viewed my profile. I'm definitely starting to feel cursed.

The only other note worthy notification I have is from the Film Society that I joined this year. Telling me that there will be a screening of F9 this Thursday. Not my favourite franchise but it would stop me from having a quite night in.

As I lay here in bed now, all I can think about is what I would do if someone were in bed with me. If I had a guy here with me now I definitely wouldn't be drifting off to sleep. I would have him filling my guts and be begging for more. However instead I was falling asleep.