In a manner of speaking…

As Commissioner Gordon beckoned his men to assist the hostages whilst the frazzled and incoherent Hatter was lead away, The Dark Knight surveyed the room. Gordon recognised his investigative stance, and approached him.

“So, what’s your read? If this indeed wasn’t your work, then who’s was it? Was Hatter betrayed?”

“No, I believe another vigilante reached him instead. You may have heard of her already, she’s known as Batgirl.”

“Batgirl? I thought she was more of a street level amateur. I guess she’s upping her game, whoever she is. But what makes you think-”

“I had tried warning her away from the likes of Tetch,” Batman interrupted. “But it seems I underestimated her capabilities.”

“You incorrect? Now that has me afraid.” Gordon turned only to find that the caped crusader had already vanished. “Typical.”

———

“Batgirl, it’s Batman. You’re probably resting from your fight with Hatter, but I wanted to say that you did impressive work tonight. I grossly underestimated you, and I won’t make that mistake again. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Batgirl was in fact resting, but not at home. When her and Catwoman had reached the perimeter of Tetch’s lair, they were snatched up by a mysterious van. While they could not see the driver, they had a good view of their captor.

“Awww, the big guy was tryna apologise. How cute!”

It was none other than Harley Quinn, who now stood over the naked heroines clutching Batgirl’s batphone.

“But as I was saying, Hatter and Cat were working for me. You see there’s a rare breed of plants being unveiled at the Metropolis gardens.”

“Plants that they have little comprehension on how to care for,” interrupted the driver, in recognisably sultry tones.

“Right. So Ivy and I wanted to liberate them. Problem is security is tight, and we couldn’t pay for Kitty Cat’s services. So, we got Tetch to work his mind magic on some civilians that we could use to stage a protest as a distraction. Until you two knuckle heads bungled it up!”

“So why not just Ivy’s pheromones?” Selina questioned.

“They’re not as congruous or unnoticeable as Tetch’s methods.” Ivy replied.

“But all’s not lost! With the pair of you in ya stupid getups, we’ll be able to distract them easy peasy!”

“Yyyy mm phhh?!” Barbara questioned.

“Why can’t you two just escape? Good question,”Harley procured a set of video tapes from her jacket pocket. “Because I got the security recordings from Hatter’s lair. Which not only features you two losers buck naked, but also has ya identities being revealed. You don’t want that getting in the web now do ya!”

Damn, always Harley and her videotapes, Barbara thought, well, at least I don’t know anyone in metropolis.

“We’re here darlings!” Ivy cooed.

“Great!” Much to the astonishment of Catwoman and Batgirl, Harley tore her outfit apart in an instant, exposing her pale skin and harlequin styled pubic hair. “What, I wanna keep tabs on you two, seeing as neither of ya are in a condition to defend ya selves. Plus, I’d feel weird being the only one not in my birthday suit!”

The naked clown opened up the van and the trio stepped out into night. Harley blew a kiss at the departing van and turned her attention to her **** streakers, pulling them into a team huddle.

“So the plan is simple. This place already hired some clowns for the entertainment. Weird I know, but it gives us a perfect opportunity! We’ll give this place a performance so good they won’t notice Ivy!”

Selina and Barbara exchanged nervous looks.

“Oh don’t worry! I’ll be ya ringmaster! I’ll give ya all sorts of prompts on what to perform next. We’ll recreate your acrobatics from tonight of course, but we can spice it up with some dancing, oil sliding, and pie throwing! And you better perform them to the letter, or else!”

“Can you at least untie me so I can perform better?” Selina asked.

“Mmmm phhhh!” Barbara interjected.

“No, you can figure that out for ya selves. Now get movin! The terranium’s just a couple blocks from here!”

“Hhhmmph,” Batgirl sighed as the trio began moving. With their ridiculous getups, they drew all sorts of looks from passersby, who all stared incredulously, or pulled out their phones to record. The jingling bells on Barbara’s jester hat made it even worse, making her feel even more like the centre of attention.

This is the worst! But hey, at least Batman thinks I did good! I’ll get to go in the big leagues after this!

Barbara spared a quick glance at her companions. While Harley pranced happily in the buff, Selina meekly followed behind, almost trying to hunch herself and avoid eye contact with everyone.

And I got to take a couple of villains down a peg, that’s gotta be worth something. Right? RIGHT?!