In a house with the girls

I woke up in a house with low ceilings meeting white walls at beveled edges. At least I wasn’t out in the woods this time, though I would have preferred if I had been allowed to keep my clothes.

The two girls who ambushed me in the woods were peering down at me from a couch, whereas I was laying on the floor. They wore expressions of wide-eyed curiosity.

“Hi, there,” the redhead said cheerily. “I’m Julie, and this is Allison.”

I groaned and rolled over onto my ass. I rubbed the red welts where Lickitung mugged me and shot an reproachful look at the two girls. They appeared to be unconcerned about my injuries, however, and were eyeing my body with a look of . . . was that hunger?

“Hmm,” Julie, the redhead said after a few moments. “You heard him talk earlier, too, right?”

“Oh, thank God,” I said. “So Pokemon can talk, huh? That’s great news because I’d hate to be to a couple of stuck-up bitches who can’t even understand when I’m calling them bitches.”

Julie clapped her hands giddily. “Yay! He can talk. That is rare indeed!”

“He’s got some mouth on him, though,” Allison frowned. “We’re gonna have to train him out of using profanity.”

“If that’s rare, then you two must be pretty lucky, because I heard Licki-whatever talking earlier, too,” I said.

A look of incomprehension darkened Julie’s expression. “But Lickitung doesn’t talk. You only understood her because you’re a Pokemon, too.”

“Oh.”

“You didn’t know that?” Allison pressed me.

“Well, of course not,” I rallied. “What makes you think I’m a Pokemon in the first place?”

“Because you’re a male, duh,” Julie responded. “All males are Pokemon. Only females can be trainers.”

“Oh.”

“You didn’t know that?” Allison said again.

“Hey, I’m not from around these parts, lady.”

Allison cracked the first smile that I had seen from her since we met. It was warm and out of humor, which lightened my mood a little.

“No matter,” she said. “We have a talking Pokemon, now, which means you can translate for us.”

“But we need to conceal your ability so that nobody tries to steal you from us,” Julie said. “Gardevoir!”

“Christ, why do you have to shout?” I complained as another young woman appeared in a flash of light.

Gardevoir had stylish green hair (predictably), bright amber eyes, and porcelain skin.

“Hey, she’s wearing clothes,” I argued, pointing to Gardevoir’s flowing white dress.

“Yeah, Gardevoir always wears clothes,” Julie replied.

“So my point is, how come she gets to wear clothes and I can’t?”

“Because you’re not Gardevoir, silly.” Apparently satisfied with the logic in this, Julie rushed on to the next thing. “Gardevoir, can you cast an illusion on his speech so that the only humans that can understand him are me and Allison?”

“Allison and I,” Gardevoir corrected, but of course Julie couldn’t understand her.

There was an aura of light around Gardevoir, and then nothing.

“We’ll have to test out the illusion when the owner gets back,” Julie said.

“Owner?” I asked.

“Of the house we’re in. This is a B and B.”

“Speaking of the owner,” Allison said, “we’d better get going. It’s neither bed nor breakfast right now.”

As we walked away from the cute little house down a country road, the smell of the sea blowing in from the west, I asked Gardevoir, “So, does this mean I can expect some interesting conversation, at last?”

“Of course. We psychic types are as intelligent as humans, if not more so.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

“So, what kind of moves can you do, Man?” Julie asked.

“Moves? Well, I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Like I said, I’m not from around these parts. In fact, I’d tell you I was a human from a place that never heard of pokemon being real, but you wouldn’t believe me.”

“No matter. Let’s level you up while we try to figure out what kind of pokemon you are.”

Julie concluded by skipping on ahead.

“So, am I your pokemon?” I asked Allison.

“Mm, not getting possessive, are you?”

“What, no, I just--”

“You belong to Julie and I.”