If I Stay

I was born in the coast city of Guaratuba, south region of Brasil, inside South American Union.

My father was a veterinarian, how worked with genetic improvement of cattle in farms on all parts of Brasil, also Uruguay and Paraguay. He would visit South Africa twice a year, and the Islamic holly city of Jerusalem some now and them. Also Chinindia. Sometimes the entire family travelled with him. When that happened, mother would take us to long trips so we could see the monuments, historical places, and natural marvels of the world.

Once we visited Paris, one of the few ruins of a nuclear explosion entirely cleaned from radiation. Given its importance as historical reference. In this same travel we also visited Rome. There was little left from either place, and to my eyes of children they looked mostly the same. However, the way mother described them brough to life in my mind, and in the minds of my sisters, entirely different stories.

Mother was the daughter of an army general, a man of exceptional genius who ascended very young to the highest military rank. In an army where fast promotions are extremely rare and only happen when justified by merit. She was a Historian and a Political Thinker on her own right too. Even keeping the academic interests as a secondary focus in life. To be a wife and a mother above all else.

I never met my grandfather, he was dead long before I was born.

When we came back from the Islamic Alliance territory of Italic Peninsula, was the middle of school vacation. We had prepared ourselves to the exam Out Time, and after pass the it we got the chance to choose. My older sisters stayed in the city, I prefer to expend this period in a farm of one of father’s friends.

I was nine years old, or eight perhaps, and somehow I got lost exploring the woods in the property.

Huge reforestation projects had happened after the Nuclear Wars. Priority for the genetic engineering and gardener drones was farming, to produce food, but some forests had been recuperated as well. Enough of them for a young boy to get lost for two days and three nights. During some of those nights, when no one knew if I was alive or not, and my family was **** searching the woods, I got this really strange dream. Or hallucination.

I saw this huge man, 3 meters high, with four arms and a head that was three times larger than it should be. This “alien demon” had an extra eye in the middle of his head, and fangs like a dog.

He took me from the ground without any effort, and looked right in my eyes.

_Lissen to me, boy! I am dying. You must avoid the mistakes I made, so that does not happen. You must hide yourself. When the Great Change arrive, DO NOT MAKE ANY EXPERIMENT IN YOURSELF! Let time pass, observe the mistakes of others. HIDE YOUR TRUE NATURE! The Change will come. AVOID UNECESSARY FIGHTS, stay hidden. Don’t trust anyone!

I was frozen by fear, and it was impossibly strong. Like a **** of nature. His words sculped the urgency of his warning deep in me. I saw images of a destroyed world, demons fighting for **** woman and eating the weaker among them.

_YOU MUST MAKE YOURSELF STRONG. YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO FIGHT. BUT, ABOVE ALL, YOU MUST NOT SHOW YOUR TRUE NATURE DURING THE FIRST TWELVE YEARS!! KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! WATCH, LEARN, THINK. HIDE YOUSELF!!

I don’t know if the monster walked away or just disappeared. Or if I woke up. In my memories after that he was gone. I never found any sign to prove it was real.

_You will be one of the gifted ones! Others will expose themselves, do not share their mistake. KEEP YOU HEAD DOWN! If you do that, you will have time to choose you way, and grow.

My life continued, after that traumatic experience, undisturbed. My days in the wood where something to boast about. However, I never mentioned the giant monster to anyone. Not even to Vanessa, my younger and favourite sister.

South America was spared almost entirely during Nuclear War 1, no nuke came that way. Few of the conflicts that followed the major strikes took place between ships of global powers near to South American Coasts. So, when NW1 ended the south part of American Continent was mostly untouched by either tactical or strategical nuclear weapons. While North America was left with very few large cities, and none entirely free of radiation.

More than 5 thousand “adult” nuclear bombs exploded in their intended targets in US, destroying the 5 thousand larger cities of US, which up to this point had been the most powerful nation on Earth. For most accounts.

Only about 100 of those bombs exploded in Canada, but Canada had less cities than US. Russia, the second larger military power in the world by the time, was responsible for the attack. And the response of US was equivalent. However, Russia took a lot more damage, since other nations with nuclear missiles felt Russian attack too, not just US. And they responded with all they had. Which was much less that US nuclear arsenal, but was something.

War followed, with “childish” nukes: the “tactical” ones. And conventional warfare. Peace came, after a long one and a half year, but the world was a very different place at this point. All large economies had been visited by significant nuclear bombs. Africa, South America, and some small isolated islands where less seriously affected than the rest of the globe. India didn’t escaped intact, but was disproportionally less injured than its neighbours.

In the time that followed China recovered very fast, and that was partially due to Indian support and growing partnership.

The technology to deal with radioactive contamination was very primitive still. Many died because of that. South America became mostly self-sufficient to deal with the long interruption in global trade. Central America and the survivors of was in North America where fragmented in tribes and in constant war against their neighbours. Practically savagery.

Things gradually settle down, and a growing commercial trade was flourishing between Africa, South America, and the Middle East.

That was when the Islamic World unified under the banner of Islamic Alliance started its war against the slowly recovering Europe, Israel, and still Communist China.

Israel was the first to fall, and practically its entire population died in a week. There was not a massive attack in a single day in that war, unlike what had happened during Nuclear War 1. However, there was many more nuclear powers involved, with their smaller but still deadly arsenals. And the conflict dragged for half a decade, depending on how you count it.

There was no formal Peace Treaty to end that war. It mostly ended by exhaustion. All sides where to tired of **** to keep escalating their actions.

For most angles you can look at it, IA was the great winner in Nuclear War 2. They completely destroyed Israel, took control over most the African Continent north to the Sahel. Got all Western Europe to its knees, taking some parts of it and accepting others as semi-independent vassal nations.

One third of China and about half of India was in the hands of Islamic Alliance as well.

That last detail was what ignited Nuclear War 3, a few years later.

At some moment during NW2 Texas managed to unify all tribal forces in its territory, and recover the technology and the some of the political structure of their time as a part of United States.

This second Nuclear War affected my region more than the previous one had. Since a portion of Brasil, along with Uruguay and Paraguay, where involved in a civil war. With an Islamic Revolution on the table, potentially.

Some wars were fought very close to Guaratuba, both my grandfathers fought and died in this war. The large cities of Curitiba and Joinville got both destroyed by adult nukes throw by the Islamic Alliance to punish South America for helping Europe. Other cities in Brasil and in other South American Nations got adult or childish nukes as well.

However, in the end the religious conflict ended to us by negotiation, not complect victory. We never gave up the laicism entirely, and continue to allow private practice of non-Christian faiths up to this day. Even adopting Catholicism as Official Religion of South American Union.

Chinindia raised to take back the land lost by the countries of China and India. The period between NW1 and NW2 is much longer than the one separating NW2 from NW3, and in terms of **** and destruction power employed NW3 exceeds both NW1 and NW2 put together.

However, recovery was much faster this time. Because the technology had advanced, the methods for cleaning radioactive contamination where much more efficient, and faster.

The horrors of war where not washed away from the minds of people as fast as the radiation could be washed from the ground, however. Uncle Joll fought as a young soldier in NW3 and he still awakes screaming sometimes. Thanks to the nightmares the battle field gave him.

Compared to that, my own childhood memories are light and shiny. I suppose.

Of course, New Israel was founded short after NW1, but it only grew into the large and relevant nation it was when I was born during the period between NW2 and NW3. Played a relevant role during NW3.

South American Union survived NW3 as the only politically stable part of the world where all religions could be practices (in private, but not in secret). That granted our side a diplomatic advantage. Likely to translate into political and economic power, not to mention cultural influence, with the passage of time. If things where not destinated to chance as drastically as they changed.

As you know I lived my first 10 years of life in that mostly peaceful global order. South American Union was the most tolerant nation in the world, and one of the most developed ones in science and industry. Brasil was the largest and most influential country in the Union, and provided a comfortable life, rich in opportunities, for its citizens.

My family was not rich, but we had a more comfortable life than most. In a growing economy, where things were going better for about every person.

I don’t want to paint an idealised picture here, there was of course problems. Some political ****, lingering echoes of civil wars. Mad veterans scarred from the war killing people randomly in the streets some now and then. With no agenda and less rational explanation for why they were doing it. Still, for most part, that was as close to an idyllic world as any concrete reality can dream to be.

“The best place, during the best time” some poet a decade older than me said. A week before everything fall apart.

First week was like a nightmare to me.

I kept my head down, did my best to avoid attention I would not know I was different of other survivor men. If wasn’t for that nightmare in the woods one year before. All men who didn’t died became stronger and more powerful in body and mind. Most of the boys who survived, and who were about as old as I was, showed way more impressive “gifts” than mine. I was weak and stupid next to them.

There was an urge to challenge them, a crave for fighting and for growing, as if my bones knew they needed something, something those fights would make possible. Still, I avoided the fights, walked away from the confrontations. Dedicated my time to do small repairs, learn how to fix engines and other things, so I didn’t had to leave the house more often than the minimal absolutely inevitable.

Father was dead, about all men in the world were dead. Mother had died in that stupid accident as well. A lot of people had similarly stupid deaths, that same day.

After months the stories about cannibal mad man, or alien monsters, or demons, started circulating. However, took 3 and a half years for authorities to digest the information, join the evidences, and understand what was going on.

I got a reputation of being a coward, even inside my own family. That could not be prevented. I would to small tasks for them, and they would leave me to myself.

This day I had to leave home because the restaurant above aunt Sidra studio had some problem with the water pipes, and it needed to be solved for aunt Sidra’s best interest of keep her work place dry and functional. It was a long day of work, and after the problem was as fixed as it could be without new pipes I saw myself **** to clean aunt Sidra’s studio. There was mod on two walls and on the ceiling, and I had to do “something” about.

She managed to get me the materials, despite the hour, and insisted that I continued the work trough the night. Because she needed the place restored to normality as soon as possible.

Her friend and client, Moara, decided to stay and help me. Without ask my opinion on the matter.

Moara is the daughter of a well know mercenary assassin, and her mother own the restaurant where I had been working all day. She has 22, is a very beautiful small woman how favours clothes that leave her back exposed. To exhibit my aunt work. A complex tribal tapestry covers her back, neck to waist, and disappears under the belt.

She is more solid than voluptuous, but without the evident muscles of Victoria. And she smells very nice. Probably an effect of working preparing food all day. Her hair smells bacon and spices.

We worked for a few hours in the closed studio, before she make clear that she was not really planning on help me. Least that was not her main goal for the night.

First she smiled, and touched my back and my hands as if by accident. However, when I pretended not to understand what was going on she tried to kiss my mouth.

I had to move away, for obvious reasons. So, she took her shirt off.

She had small boobs, very small, with big nipples. No tattoo in the front, but a smoot brow skin. I felt lightheaded looking at her, unable to avoid the image of her body, and she may have noticed that I was not entirely uninterested. Because some clues probably could be seen, suggesting she had picked my (let’s say) curiosity.

You will not believe me if I say I don’t know how that happened. Still, I will say that, because that is the true: her tong found its way into my mouth. Or mine into her. Possibly both. Somehow. Do not ask me.

Men are rare in this world. Many woman want to have children, and don’t have the money or the contacts to buy semen. Possibly, some also would like to have physical contact with men, for the sake of sexual gratification. Make sense. However, the only thing I could think about by this point was how dangerous that was to me. How it would destroy my live completely, if I didn’t stopped and escaped. I would not be able to hide anymore.

Even that, was hard to think. With her hand around my penis.

Add more this mystery to the situation. How my sexual organ came out my pants and in her hand? I don’t remember that happening.

In any case, her mouth was going from my neck to my belly bottom, and even in that uncomfortable fuzzy state I made the Math. To guess what would come next.

**** to retake control over my mental process, and prevent catastrophe, I pushed Moara’s face back to mine, and away.

_Stop! _I said. Looking in her eyes.

In saying that I felt a power that was never before present in my voice. And saw a change in her face, as if she had forgotten what she was doing and where she was.

In that instant, I made my decision. Looking at her wet mouth, smelling her perfume, feeling the warm body of Moara on my hands.

Then I kissed her.