I knew this would happen...

"Well? What do ya think of the place?"

"Honestly? I'm surprised you'd wanna come here. It doesn't seem like your kinda hang-out."

"I know, i just thought i'd try something new. And since it's on your dime, i didn't take cost into consideration. Hee-hee."

"You're all heart. How do YOU like it here?"

She looked around at the street signs on the wall, the guys from school at the bar and their slutty girlfriends or soon to be one-night stands. The music from the jukebox (which was beat-up and covered in stupid third-grader style vandalism) was sub-par and she could obviously tell the place stank. Then she looked back at me, smiling.

"It's alright."

Shana and i talked for a while. A long while. It had to have been at least two hours if i was talking to Shana and noticed time passing en masse.

"Didn't we order?"

"Yeah, where are those drinks?"

"Well, there goes her tip. Which means i just saved $3! We should get ice cream or something when we leave."

"Are you sure this isn't a date?"

"I don't even know anymore," i said in mock confusion and despair. She laughed at the semi-Simpsons reference. The woman (?) who took our order walked by and took a seat at a nearby table. She took out a cigarette and lit it up. Shana and i gave each other 'what the hell?' looks. I got up.

"See about a discount or something, huh?"

Hell with that, i thought. I'm gettin 'em free or we're ditching this dive. I tapped the waitress' shoulder.

"Ugh. I swear to Christ, if you gimme crap about this cigarette, i'm gonna punch you out. What? What is it?"

"We ordered drinks two hours ago. Where are they?"

"Not in the mood, kid."

"I don't wanna be a dick but..."

"Then sit down, because you're getting dangerously close, you get me?"

"..BUT, if they ain't comin', lemme know now so i can get outta this fuckin' place."

"Just go sit down. I'll bring yer goddamn Cokes."

"Margaritas."

"Whatever. Just go."

What the hell?! I've never demanded a waitress suck my cock or anything, but i do expect a certain amount of service if i'm paying for it. And this chick's attitude was getting on my nerves.

Shana piped up from behind me. "They comin'?"

"Yeah, they're comin'. Right?"

The waitress laughed at the sternness in my voice when i addressed her. "Look, don't try to show off in front of your girl on me. If you wanna show her how 'bad' you are, i can get the bouncer over here for hasslin' me. So why don't you sit your ass down and wait like a good li'l boy?"

That's it. "Look bitch..." I put my hand on her shoulder. No sooner had i touched her than someone touched me the same place but harder and with a larger hand. I turned to find exactly what i didn't want to see. Big guy, had to be mid-twenties or thirties, with the cliche 'i'm bad' look: beard, shaved head, shirt with Harley-Davidson written on it. Looked like he'd stepped right out of a pro-wrestling match. I half expected someone to hold up an 'Austin 3:16' sign. His voice sounded like Phil Anselmo trying to gargle rocks.

"Hands off the waitress, boy!"I took my hand off. Shana would understand. "Good." He grabbed my shirt and sucker-punched me. With my eyes bugged out like they were, i saw Shana start to get up. The bouncer turned toward the kicked-back chair. I guess that was kind of a reflex, since fights start that way. My ears had drowned out the music and now heard myself trying to get my breath back and Shana talking.

"Hey! What are you doing!? He just touched her shoulder, he wasn't gonna hurt her or nothin'! Leave him alone!"

"Sit back down, or i'll do the same to you, bitch!"

Like hell he would...