I Don't Wanna Be A Player No More

For two days, I called Chelsea from another number and left messages for her to call me. She had not called me once. She was really bugging me. Before this time, she would at least entertain my phone calls after a mess-up. This time, she blocked me, deleted her social media accounts, and ghosted me.

I sat in my bed looking over at this chick who had invited herself over for the past couple of nights. I couldn’t believe that I had this woman in my bed. My bed was for Chelsea. Yet, Chelsea was not being responsive. She was being unreasonable. I hoped by having a few people see Elise stay over at the crib the news would get back to Chelsea.

I hoped it would make her mad enough to at least show-up and act a fool. That would have shown me there was still a chance. I heard her voice, “Come back to bed, babe.”

I looked at her oddly, “babe?’

She sat up, “It’s early just come get some more rest.”

I got out of bed, “I told you I have to go to work. It’s time for you to leave.”

“I thought you told Mick you were off today?”

My eyes squinted, “What are you listening to my phone calls now?’

“No. I just—”

“Look Elise, it’s time for you to go and you know what don’t come back here without calling first.”

She came over to me. Her naked body wrapped around me, “Don’t be like this. I’m sorry.”

I stepped back, “Seriously. I told you this was nothing more than sex. You already knew that. So why are you acting like we are in something.”

“I’m not acting like anything.”

I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I was off for the day but that wasn’t her business. I had a day to myself. I looked at myself in the mirror. I heard shit breaking in my bedroom, and I ran out, “Hey girl, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

She was throwing expensive bottles of cologne on the floor and ripping the curtains off the windows. I grabbed her and held her in place, “You gotta leave.”

She stood still apologizing. I picked up her clothes and handed them to her, “Get dressed, I’ma pay for an uber to take you home.”

As she dressed slowly, she eyed me with contempt, “You haven’t changed.”

“Excuse me?”

“You haven’t changed at all. Still, a fuckboy running around sticking your dick in anything. That’s why you missed out on a good woman.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Oh, I know you. But I’m so insignificant to you like all the other women you’ve fucked that you don’t even remember me.”

“Girl, what are you talking about?”

“I’m the chubby girl with braces from high school. The one you and five of your friends fucked on a coach after a party back in high school.” She shook her head.

As I stood there looking at her, my mind flashed to that moment. I didn’t even remember the chick’s name. it was a night. A poor decision, “Look, it wasn’t like we **** you. You gave it up.”

“Of course, I did. I did it for you. I wanted you. And even after I did, I tried to become friends with you and you rejected me. Just dismissed me. Like I was nothing.”

“So, what’s all this about?”

She shook her head, “Nothing. Thanks for the dick. Have a shitty life asshole. And I’ll get my own Uber.”

I stood in shock as she left. I heard the door slam shut. I looked at my room which was a mess. Instead of going for a haircut early, I’d have to clean up.

******

After cleaning my spot, I headed to get my hair cut. As my barber got me looking right, I told him about the situation. “I mean, she’s holding a grudge about some shit that happened years ago. Some shit she asked for. And then thought I was going to want her as my woman after she let all my boys hit, nah.”

He laughed, “That’s wild.”

“I know right.”

“You still haven’t heard from your girl?”

“Nah, man. And that shit is crazy too. Like how does all this happen at once? A crazy chick comes into my life right when I lose the one—”

He looked at me, “The what?”

“Nothing man,” I said as I stood. I reached into my pocket and dropped him fifty dollars. We shook hands and I left.

I headed over to my dad’s place. He was outside on the porch sipping on a beer. I walked up and hugged him, “hey pops, wah gwan?”

“Nothing nah gwan.”

I sat next to him. I let out a puff of air. I needed a man’s solid advice, “Pops, how do you get something back once you messed up?”

He rubbed his beard and let out a single chuckle, “Yuh inna big chobble?” which means you’re in big trouble.

And he was right. As I sat in that barber shop expressing to my dude the things that happened, I realized that I loved that woman. I did. And if it meant me not fucking around for the rest of my life, I was willing to do that. Like for real, for real. Not like all the other times when I had just said it to get her back.

“Well, if I knew that…me and your mother would still be together.”

“Come on pops, you have to know a lil something. Like things would have said or done to make her listen and see that you were being for real.”

“You know what the lady want?”

“What most women want.”

He nodded, “You think you gave give it to her?”

“I think so.”

“If you don’t know for sure, then don’t bother wasting her time now.”

“I’m sure.”

“Then made a grand gesture of your love. Something she wouldn’t expect. Write love letters and send them to her.”

“Nobody writes letters anymore.”

“I know but what ya think she’ll say when she sees that you’ve taken time to write to her? Use the email or what you young people are doing these days.”

“Right, thanks.” I hugged him and left.

*****

I was on my way home thinking of how I would even begin to write a letter to Chelsea. But then I remembered, shit, I have no idea how to even get a letter to her. I could email her though but she had me blocked.

I had to create a new account and send it like that. She’d at least read the letter and have a chance to think about my words.

Email:

Hey Chelsea,

I still remember the first time I saw you. How your skin glowed in the sunlight. I can still remember how your smile grabbed my heart. Honestly, I had not ever believed in love at first until that day I met you. I realize that I’ve put you through a lot. For that, I do apologize and I mean it.

Since you’ve been gone, I realize I want what you want. I want us. I want a life with you. I don’t want to fuck around anymore. Please give me a chance to prove it to you.

Call me, please.

Ashton.

I closed the computer and blew out a puff of air. It was in God’s hands.