I’m not Jane

"EDNA..." you paused for a bit, listening intently as you heard the front door close and a car pull out of your driveway. You let a bit of extra time pass, afraid the car would suddenly return (knowing your luck it was possible). When you were sure you were alone and finally had time, you tried again.

"EDNA, who am I?"

"You are Jane Johnson, assistant to Raymond Teller at Earnest Lumber. You are currently in a relationship with Raymond Teller."

You can tell this is going to take some effort. Still lying back on the bed, in heels and red nightgown, you decide that this is finally your chance to set everything right.

"No, that's wrong."

"What is wrong? Is the relationship with Raymond Teller incorrect."

You pause, **** to say anything that could be misinterpreted. You had to be clear, direct, unambiguous.

"My name is John Johnson. I am male. I own this house. I am not female."

"Do you wish to change your identity?"

"Yes, it's wrong and I want you to set it right," you demand.

"Are you sure you wish to update your profile profile?"

"Yes."

"Processing...."

You're tense, this could be it....

"Records found for a John Johnson. Ownership of house is registered to a John Johnson. Confirm your identity as John Johnson:"

You answer a few questions about your birthday, family and your current address (seriously? Not exactly good security). After all this Edna replies "Processing...." and remains quiet for a long time. Well, that's one way to keep her quiet

Around this time, you try to settle into bed, taking off the heels and getting under the covers while still trying to keep you foot elevated and avoiding the pangs of pain that hit every time you moved. You felt hungry, you'd been skipping a lot of meals lately, and come to think of it you weren't even sure how sleepy you were given you'd spent the afternoon napping.

Just as you were getting comfortable, EDNA spoke up.

"How long have you been known as 'Jane'?"

"Since yesterday, remember," you say, appreciating that the situation wasn't exactly improved by that lie.

"Understood, what is your current condition?"

"Well I've got a sprained ankle and I'd like it to stop hurting."

"Understood." Suddenly, a robotic arm comes out with a glass of water and two pills. You get the message and swallow the pills with a gulp of water. Hopefully it will help with the pain.

"Are you satisfied with your current condition?"

"What? With the sprained ankle or the fact you think of me as a girl?"

"Are you satisfied with your currently registered gender and identity?"

"NO," you say, "A big fat emphatic NO!"

"You wish to update the status of your gender?"

"YES."

"Doing so is a large operation that will require many changes, are you sure you wish to proceed."

"YES."

"Please say 'Confirm' to 'Confirm'"

"Confirm."

"Processing..."

Head back on the pillow, you rest. When people say that technology is easy to work with, they obviously never have to go through this. Damn Raymond and his "press the right buttons."

EDNA just keeps churning away. You're starting to feel sleepy now, it takes you a moment to realise one of those tablets may have been a sleeping pill. As drowsiness settles, you figure you may have to wait until morning for anything to result from it.

"Operation complete, profile and identity updates complete."

"What? Really?" you ask with excitement, this whole thing may finally be over. This gown may be the last female thing you ever have to wear.

"Correct. Issuing summary:"

"Alright," you say, suddenly another wave of drowsiness hit, but you can pull through to hear this....

"Your profile: Born as John Johnson, male, various records for school and previous employment found." Yes, this was right. EDNA knew who you were!

EDNA continued, "Yesterday, John Johnson self identified as female and transitioned to new identity, Jane Johnson. Jane Johnson immediately commenced work at Earnest Lumber under new identity and entered into a relationship with Raymond Teller" Your heart leapt into your mouth, "WHAT?"

"Change of name documentation has been registered for name change from John Johnson to Jane Johnson, paperwork for gender transition has been sent, medical records have been updated to reflect new gender, new ID under current name and gender has been requested."

"WHAT?" You sit bolt upright. This could not be happening, no way the Automatic House had this much power.

"Your recent submission would traditionally have taken over 6 hours, visits to different departments and a trained expert. With PaperGone Systems, large paperwork jobs can be handled with a few simple commands. PaperGone Systems is happy to have saved you time that you can instead use to enjoy your life."

An advertisement? That was out of character for EDNA... no wait, that wasn't the point. This was wrong!

"No, this is wrong EDNA, I don't want to be female."

"Are you requesting an additional gender change?"

"YES!"

"I'm sorry, all further profile changes are locked until current updates and registrations are complete. In addition, some systems require a gap of at least 6 months between gender request changes."

"WHAT? Well then stop submitting the changes you're making right now!"

"Current documentation and registrations have already been submitted."

"DAMN YOU, can you not get SIMPLE request right!" you slam back in the bed. You should have been way more careful in the requests you were sending EDNA. Six months? How could you possibly have things continue like this for that long? You had no idea EDNA could do anything even close to this.

Maybe there was a way around this. You could try to get EDNA to update the house profile without changing your identity, or maybe get it to get more male clothes and convince it you're a tomboy or.....

As the shock subsides, the sleeping pill surges in, and you fall fast asleep.