I'm not awkward, you're awkward!

You could flounce off right now and let them do their whole dumb thing, but what is that going to help? Also, you're broadly fed up with their whole dumb thing. So you make yourself sit there stony-faced through some two straight minutes of almost unendurable silence, because you refuse to be the chump who caves here. What's a few uncomfortable minutes compared to the last semester you spent grounded?

So you sit there resolute in your refusal to squirm, until Dex finally clears his throat and indicates one of the oatmeal packets. "These any good?" he asks Scott, who looks a little surprised at the new topic of discussion but tries to roll with it all the same.

"They're basically, fine," he says. "Just like most any other brown sugar oatmeal. Apart from the 'eggs.'"

"What do those taste like?" Dex asks, really not selling it very well that he cares about the answer, but hey, you'll take it.

"Kinda like... just sweet? Like I can't identify a actual flavor I could name," Scott offers. He also doesn't give a shit about the oatmeal but he's Making An Effort so that's fine.

"So I ate one this morning before cooking it and it was basically like, if you had some of the soda bottle wax candies filled with the stuff candy cigarettes were made from," you put in. You are definitely the one most invested in the oatmeal conversation. This is fine.

"Gross," they both say at the same time, then look at each other with **** amusement.

"So gross," you agree before either of them can ruin the moment by being too ****. "I think you should probably both eat a raw dinosaur egg too."

"Right, when you make it sound so tempting," Dex says, with a face that if it isn't exactly happy to be sitting here talking to Scott, at least isn't disgusted.

"Well. If I can't entice you with a sweet wad of flavorless waxy mystery crap, I don't know what to say," you tell him. "So... maybe I should just get us all a drink instead," you suggest.

When neither of them responds immediately to your incredibly transparent bid for artificial camaraderie, you stand up and clap your hands together. "Great! So that's settled. Scott, what was that rummy drink you got all the lime and mint and stuff for?"

"Mojito," he says.

"Come make that, then," you tell him, and he glances between you and Dex like he isn't even sure what's happening right now, then gets up.