How You Feel

You wanted it all.

Well, maybe that was a bit hyperbolic.

You wanted to graduate from university, go to law school, and start off your career strong. Maybe eventually become a judge, even though there wasn’t as much money in a Judgeship as there was in corporate law. And, once you were settled, you wanted to start a family.

Before a few weeks ago, you would have said that family would be the nuclear one with a wife, a couple of kids, and a dog living in an upscale neighbourhood with the ability to travel and eat out at nice restaurants and all that kind of stuff. That was the end goal.

Now you wanted it… twice. You didn’t want a nuclear family anymore; you weren’t even sure what a family would look like with the three of you. But you definitely wanted the three of you. You wanted to go to law school with Gemma and Sabrina. You wanted to settle down with them and start your careers together. You wanted a family with them.

“I want you to be happy,” you said, suppressing the urge to just word vomit all of that out. You were a month into this relationship, and sure a lot had happened and you’d rushed pretty much every aspect of it, but what you wanted would probably be overwhelming.

“OK, but what about your family?” Gemma prodded you. “Or your friends? Would there be any blowback?”

“I… don’t know,” you sighed. “My Dad would probably need a bit to absorb it, but would overall be accepting in a hint-hint, nudge-nudge kind of way. My Mom would think we’re weird, and possibly ask inappropriate questions down the line, but wouldn’t freak out or anything. I wouldn’t really care about my extended family that much. Same for high school friends - some sort of cross between my Dad and my extended family. As for my college friends… I mean, I’d get ribbed for it, but I don’t think there’d be any bigotry or anything.”

“So you’d be OK with us being open?” Sabrina asked.

“Honestly, probably,” you said but turned to Gemma. “I’m not the one I’m most worried about though.”

Gemma sighed and nodded, looking down at your hand holding hers

“Do you want to talk it out, or just give us a flat answer?” Sabrina asked quietly. “Either one is OK.”

“I don’t know what my extended family would think,” Gemma said. “I’d care about my Grandma, mostly, but she got tipsy once a few years ago at a barbeque and let slip that she’d experimented with girls back when she was our age, so she sort of let the cat out of the bag on being OK if we were gay. Poly might be different, but I doubt it. My Dad is going to be super critical of anyone I get into a relationship with after all the shit with my ex. My Mom… well, my Mom couldn’t hate someone if they spit in her eye.”

“Friends?” you asked.

Gemma sighed. “I don’t care,” she shrugged. “If they do have a problem with it, why would I want to be friends with them?”

“What about Birdie?” you asked.

She smiled and squeezed your fingers, obviously happy that you’d remembered the name. “I think she’d ask way too many questions, and be happy for me.”

“So it’s mostly just your Dad you’re worried about?” Sabrina asked.

Gemma nodded. “I think- I think maybe we can be open about it while we’re here,” Gemma said. “Maybe we don’t blast it out with a big announcement on social media so that I can control some of the release of information back home, though. But telling your friends and families is fine. I just need to be home and have a plan to explain it to my Dad.”

“OK,” you said. “So we’re official.”

“We were already official,” Sabrina smirked. “We’re just making it Facebook Official, without the Facebook.”

That made you and Gemma chuckle a little.

“OK, so let’s book the beach trip,” Gemma said. “And, um, I wasn’t sure how to ask this before, but now that we’re talking about making it official and telling people and stuff… So, one of my cousins is getting married in December. John, would you want to fly out for a few days and be my plus-one? Sabrina, I’d ask you to come too but it might be awkward to ask for a plus-two, and it’ll give me a chance to ease my Dad into getting used to me being in a relationship again.”

“I-” You felt something weird in your chest. Not a pain or anything, but an emotion that was hard to understand. “Gemma, I would love to if we can make it work with exams and everything,” you said. “But I don’t know if-”

“Oh, shut up and say yes,” Sabrina laughed, leaning over and hugging you and Gemma. “Yes, I’m fine with it. Obviously it would be weird to need to ask your cousin to accommodate your two American lovers, especially for her wedding. I’ll miss you extra, but that’s more than OK.”

The three of you hugged for a long time and, since you were 99.5% sure you were alone on the floor, you kissed them both as well and they kissed each other.

Then you had to scarf down your cooling pizza before getting back to work racking up the overtime hours.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Sabrina hissed. She was looking up between you and Gemma, out the windows into the hallway. The three of you had worked until almost 11 PM the night before and had come in and started work immediately the next morning. Now it was almost 11:30 AM.

“Who?” you asked, while Gemma turned and looked over her shoulder.

“Fucking cunt,” Gemma swore, turning back to her work.

“Oh,” you said. It could only be one person.

“OK, she’s gone,” Sabrina said.

You dropped the files you were sorting and looked back, but didn’t see her. Eric, however, was coming down the hall and he stuck his head in the conference room door.

“911,” he said. “KillJoy is in the building.”

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