Homebound

The high of winning had worn off, leaving Kaylee to pay the tab for that victory. The bus itself had gotten unusually quiet as exhaustion set in. We had less than an hour until we got back, and it seemed the girls had finally burnt off what little energy they had remaining after the game.

Well, not everyone. Soft moans drifted up from the back of the bus as one of the girls discretely had a turn with the team manager. I didn’t know who and didn’t care to check. All that mattered was the woman beside me.

Arms linked, we held hands as she leaned against me. My shoulder was her pillow as she took a well-deserved nap. Reaching over, I gently brushed the hair from her face and smiled at the rather unflattering look she was making as she slept. Even when she wasn’t at her best, all I could see was the girl I loved.

Enjoying her weight and heat against me, my thoughts drifted inward as I stared out the window. It had been a long journey getting to where I was now. Thinking back on how I was when Kaylee and I started dating, I hardly recognized myself. Maybe that was the wrong way to look at it. This was the me that was there all the time.

I didn’t know what the future held for me, but I knew Kaylee was going to be a big part of it. Our relationship was still evolving, but I saw my place in it now. I wasn’t only her boyfriend and support, I was her partner. It wasn’t just about understanding where I stood, but having the confidence to take up that mantle and wear it proudly.

Fears and concerns still lingered about what our future held. The issues surrounding sex were still there. For me, the fears regarding the act and consequences, and her, the love of experiencing it with as many others as she could. Yet despite those issues, I wasn’t worried. No longer was I hiding or running from them. From the beginning, I knew that Kaylee would never be mine alone even if I had resisted that truth for a long time. From now on, I was a part of her world. That knowledge brought a new fear of how the role would shape me moving forward.

Yet it wasn’t for her benefit alone. Good or bad, I would use the others to enhance our time together. I still didn’t have a solid idea on how this would all work and the uncertainty brought its own fear. Would I be there listening to her recall it all like with Derrek, silently watch like with Sean, or would I use my knowledge of what she enjoyed to guide her partner to maximize the experience like with Adam? Specifics still eluded me.

And then there was _my _experience with women. Being with Kaylee meant that I would inevitably sleep with other women. She had made it clear where her desires rested on that one. Whether it was swapping partners with another couple, or inviting another to join us in bed, Kaylee would not be my only one. Caution and restraint would be the key here, and she understood that. I wouldn’t let her push me into doing something I wasn’t ready for, and she would ensure my fears never froze me in place.

As much as I hated math, I had done as Liam had told me. There were negatives. Things I wished were different. Things I knew would never change. But the positives were there. Without Kaylee, I wouldn’t be in the place I was today. Looking back at who I was, I found I didn’t want to be that man anymore. It had been a hard road to get to this point, but I didn’t regret traveling it. Challenges were what inspired growth, and there had been plenty of them--both in my past and what waited for me in the future.

There was still a long road ahead, but I wouldn’t be traveling alone. Kaylee would be there. Not only her, but friends like Liam, Sam, and Ally. Whatever troubles were waiting for me down the road, I wouldn’t face them alone.

Glancing back at the slumbering woman, I grinned as I watched drool slide from the side of her parted lips. Things weren’t perfect, but I was happy.