Hm, I wonder where Tanya scampered off to?

Out in the hallway you debated what to do.

Brenda was still probably hanging out at the nurse’s station.

Assuming Tanya’s Intel was good, Leah was somewhere in Pediatrics…still suspicious of that one.

And of course you could finally tend to the burning scrap of paper in your pocket and go find Big Butt.

Wandering you were unsure of what to do until as you rounded a corner you slammed face-first into another nurse.

At this point I don’t know if this power is a gift or curse.

While the fallen nurse sweared profusely you gathered up the files she had dropped. Thick stack of folders in hand you went to return them only to find the fallen nurse was now hovering over you.

“So you just going to keep leering or give me back my files?”

“Oh, sorry here you go”

Handing them over, you waited for a thank you or at least an apology.

Seriously from her?

Dumbass.

No that wasn’t me. It must have been the nurse. Yeah she said that not me, no way.

Standing up you continued to listen to the nurse angrily rant as she reordered the folders.

“I swear this place is filled with uncoordinated morons. First that blonde bitch has the audacity to complain to me about the coffee and then of course her idiot partner piles in. Right it’s my fault you dumbasses don’t know how to use a microwave. Now I’m stuck rearranging these fucking patient files again because people don’t know how to fucking walk. Of course Dr. Miller runs into me and now this fucking nitwit. Then these idiot graduates can’t figure out their own damn rotation schedule. I swear it’s a wonder they even know how to administer a bandage. No it’s not my fault you keep getting cycled into general care if you want pediatrics maybe change your job title you fucking suicide girl reject. And that south of the border bimbo blames me for her scrubs if they’re too small maybe get rid of those ridiculous tits and you wouldn’t have this problem.

Well she’s just a ball of sunshine isn’t she?

Wait rewind what was that about Dr. Miller.

Slower…

Enhance

It’s a sentence we can’t enhance that.

I said enhance!

Fine.

“First Dr. Miller runs into me and now this fucking nitwit.”

Interesting.

Gulp.

Hopefully you’ll still have a head after this.

You broke through her tirade.

“Excuse me you mentioned Dr. Miller?”

“What! Yeah! Fucking entitled bitch ran into me a few minutes ago on the way to her office!”

Well that was professional.

“Uh, could you direct me to her office I’m looking for her?”

She rudely sighed

“Go left then take the second corridor third door on the right. Or you could just read the damn bulletin boards.”

You rolled your eyes at least you got what you wanted.

“Sorry”

Oh she had a change of heart. Nice.

“It was stupid of me to assume you could read.”

Should have seen that one coming.

Thankfully she disappeared down a hallway after that remark.

“What a biiiiiiiitch” you howled to yourself.

Agreed.

She may have had a nest of hornets crawl up her snatch and die but at least her directions were good. With them you were able to find Dr. Miller’s office in two minutes flat. She said had another appointment but she ran out of that exam room awfully flustered.

You merely intended to ensure that your outstanding doctor did not in her haste accidently misspeak about her upcoming engagements and was in actuality attending to another individual suffering from a series of ailments.

You know using big words to sugarcoat your actions doesn’t work.

You were going to go peep on her.

Asshole.

Disagree.

Luckily Dr. Miller’s office was tucked away in a slower corner of the hospital leaving you easy access. You listened closely through the wood-veneered door.

It was extremely faint.

But you could hear the slap of wet skin and low moans.

Jackpot!

While the audio-only version of your porno was okay.

You had to get eyes-on Tanya’s wet kitty.

Removing your wallet from your back-pocket. You withdrew an aluminum card.

Your emergency lock-pick set.

And boy howdy was this an emergency.

…

So our protagonist just magically knows how to pick locks in this extremely convenient situation? Seems very Larry Stu my dude.

No I’m not having it, you’ve been right by me up to this point exactly when did we have time to bring up our hero’s hobbies huh?

During the construction of mount Spud-suvius? R.I.P

How about his fainting spell?

Oh, by the way while our MC is fainting you should know he is extremely into lock-picking, origami and long walks on the beach.

Or how about during the Savannah flashback

“Oh darling I love you so much just so you’re aware my pussy eating is almost good as my talent for picking locks!”

“Oh Joseph that’s so hot take me now!”

(That’s actually good write that down! Write that down!)

This is a valid use of character development and I will not stand for this injustice.

Fine, I’ll just alienate the readers.

Don’t you dare I’ll kill you!

Suddenly our protagonist/antagonist? I don’t know any more tapped into his hidden heritage as Thor and Loki’s long lost brother and summoned down StormBreaker and with a mighty Viking yell struck down the other protagonist/antagonist? With a bolt lightning larger and more powerful than anything Thor could ever summon also it was on fire and there were screaming Valkyries riding winged unicorns playing electric guitar and even Iron Man showed up and declared him the strongest Avenger while Hulk cried.

…Wait were the Valkyries or the winged unicorns playing electric guitar?

Yes.

Epic.

I know right.

(Face-palm I need to stop letting you write while drunk.)

You love it!

Nope.