Hesitant

We were sitting having dinner when Helen broached the subject. "How do you feel about this afternoon?"

"It was a bit intense" This is my opportunity to discuss this "Look, I know we are enjoying this, but I am not sure if it something that I want to continue"

Helen stopped eating, giving me her full attention. "Okay, it's important that we are open with one another, so go on"

"I have never been more turned on that when we do these things, but some of them are genuinely painful for me, and I'm concerned as to where it's heading. We may be going down a path that I don't want, and that could damage our marriage and I don't want that. I love you too much to allow that to happen"

"I understand. From my perspective, the last couple of days have been very empowering for me and I've loved having the freedom, and I have also loved having the power over you. It feels like I am unlocking a natural dominant streak in myself that I enjoy. I think I've also seen a naturally submissive side in you"

"I think that's right. There clearly is a submissive side in me that revels in this, but it has been difficult to watch you being fucked... and enjoying it so much" It hurt to say that last bit but it needed saying

"I know babe. The honest truth is that you have a small cock and it doesn't give me what I need, but I still love you as a person and I always will. I would like to try and find a way forward that works for both of us" she hesitated whilst thinking, then...

"Let me ask you something... When you submit do you genuinely enjoying it? Whilst I know some experiences are difficult, are you really resisting because you want me to be solely yours for sex, or is it because society's idea of how you should behave as a man? Would you rather go back to the way we were, or do you enjoy the thrill of what we are experiencing? I love you and I love this, but it only works if you are willingly submitting to me as an act of love, otherwise you are right, it will split us up"

This threw me. I had been so focused resisting this, it hadn't occurred to me to think why. Am I resisting for the right reasons? Is it selfish of me to deny Helen pleasure? There is no denying I find the humiliation and the sight of Helen fucking erotic. But I can I live with her love, but in a one-sided sexual relationship?