Help on a jail break

"So, imagine my shock as I'm staking out Arkham and I see a bunch of security start to leave. Not wanting to waste such a prime opportunity, I break in-"

"Wait." Barbara interrupts. "Why were you staking out Arkham?"

"Relax Batbitch, I'm getting to that. Anyways, I'm breaking in, looking too see why all the guards are leaving. And I see Resting Witch Face over here, telling all the guards that a 'cataclysmic event' is going to hit Arkham Asylum and that the Justice League is gonna take care of it so they need the guards to evacuate."

You nod to yourself, that easily explained how Zatanna got all the guards to leave. There was no way guards at a prison would stay around if a Justice League member asked them to depart. Especially a prison for the clinically insane.

"Now this is great news for me, because the less guards here, the better it works out for me. I avoid the mage and sneak further downstairs, where I'm foiled, so I head back up here. And what do you know, I see a confrontation between heroes, an event I absolutely adore. So I hide and start eating my imaginary popcorn, hoping desperately for a confrontation of epic proportions, but the two of you let me down. Seeing that you can't do anything against her, I prepare to leave. But then, I remember, that you, Batbitch, are pretty smart, and you might be able to help me. So, out of the kindness of my heart, I take care of your little crazy witch problem, courtesy of my trusty bat."

"And I'm sure that kindness was perfectly genuine and not self serving at all," Barbara replies.

"Listen sugar. It's all water under the bridge now. I'm reformed. I'm just here to break a friend out of here"

"What friend? You do know that Joker isn't here, right?"

"Hey. Me and the Joker aint a thing no more." For the first time since she's started talking, Harley seems legitimately peeved. It seems that the Joker is definitely a sore subject for her, and you resolve not to mention him in her presence. "I'm rescuing my best friend, Ivy."

"Ivy? I didn't realize the two of you were friends. When did that happen?"

"Well, we're not best friends yet. But we will be when I rescue her from this place. And that's where I need your help. Batgirl, I figure you can hack this place nice and easy, and open the door to her cell so we can leave."

"And just how does this benefit us? I'm not letting a known eco-terrorist free just so you can try to find someone to like you."

"Because. I know for a fact that Ivy can create an aphrodisiac that will ensure that your witch will be down to jump mask guy's bones in a jiffy."

Now that was interesting. But you thought that Barbara decided that you were just going to jerk off in a cup and have Zatanna drink it. You decide to voice your thoughts. "I thought I was just going to give her a sample, and have her drink it."

"We can't anymore." Barbara answers. "She's too far gone and there is no way she'll be willing to consume your sperm, even if it would save her life."

"Well, what about just pouring it down her throat. Just because she's **** doesn't mean we can't get it into her system."

"That won't work either." Barbara has her hand on her chin, as she's deep in thought. "Zatanna has wards prepared preventing her from unintentionally imbibing any foreign substances. Unfortunately, I think we have to take Harley's deal."

"Hooray!" Harley yells, exulting in her victory. "Heroes and villains, working together towards a common goal. Nothing can stop us now!"

"C'mon. Let's get this over with" Barbara grumbles under her breath, heading off into a hallway.

You pick up Zatanna and put her over your shoulder, and the three of you begin your trek to the lowest levels, aka, maximum security solitary. According to Barbara, this is where the big guns stay when confined to Arkham. The Joker has been here, as have other members of Batman's rogues gallery, including Zsasz, Killer Croc, and of course, Poison Ivy. You honestly hope that nothing bad comes of this deal, because although you don't know Barbara all that well, if Poison Ivy caused harm to a lot of people it would weigh on her mind until it consumed her.

"So mask guy. I've never seen you before. What's your deal?" Harley asks.

You didn't expect Harley to talk to you, and her question takes you off guard. Without realizing what you're doing, giving out information to a known supervillain, you answer her.

"I'm the Shadow. And you haven't heard of me because I just auditioned for the Justice League today. Hopefully, you'll be seeing more of me, saving the world and so forth."

"Boooooooooring. Being in the Justice League sounds like such a snooze. I don't know how anyone can deal with it."

"Because," Barbara interjects, "Some of us believe in helping others and the League is the best way to facilitate that."

"Whatever. So, what happened to the witch anyway? And why does she need your cum?"

"That's classified." You answer, regretful that you released information about yourself just prior.

"Whatever. I'm just saying, I've heard about a couple of chemicals on the black market, one of which matches what the witch got pretty closely."

"Really?" Barbara asks, clearly interested in what Harley has to say. "Tell me about it."

"Nuh uh uh. It sounds like I have some valuable information. What do I get out of it."

"I don't tell Zatanna that you were the one that threw a baseball bat at her head."

Harley frowns, and mutters under her breath, "That's just plain dirty." Returning to her normal volume, she states, "Well, there's been talks about two chemicals that are going up for preorder soon. One is called Witherchlorocide. It sounds like what your witch is suffering from. It targets women and shuts down their systems one by one. It latches onto DNA and causes **** within twenty-four hours. It does have the side effect of extremely lowering sexual arousal, and I think it also increases brain power for a short amount of time, but that doesn't matter because they die pretty quickly after that."

You don't have be able to read minds to know what Barbara's thinking. It sounds extremely similar to the chemical W that Dr. Sapphire is producing, though with the additional side effect of ****.

"What about the other chemical?" You ask, trying not to sound too eager.

"Yuzorobenzoate, I think. It's the partner chemical of Witherchlorocide, and affects men. It is also extremely lethal, and subdues men in no time. I think it acts as a sexual stimulant as well? Something like that."

"Thanks, Harley. That was surprisingly well spoken. You don't seem like the type to know a lot about chemicals."

"Well, I am a doctor."

"Really?" You did not know that, as Harley doesn't seem like type to go to college or pursue a doctorate.

"Yep. Never underestimate a girl just because she's crazy and delights in chaos."

"Noted." You say, having a newfound respect for the villainess. You wonder to yourself just what went wrong with her for her to pursue a life of crime. You note Barbara studying you, and you wonder if you've gotten too chummy with Harley. You decide that you'll talk to her about later, after the two of you save Zatanna.

"We're here!" Harley cheers, exuding pure unadulterated joy as you approach a row of cells, with large titanium locked doors. "This is the moment where I'll save Ivy, and we'll become the bestest of friends."

"Wait." Barbara said, pausing. "Poison Ivy does know that you're coming to rescue her, right?"

"Nope! Figured it'd be a grand gesture to start our friendship. Besides, who's going to turn down an free exit out of Arkham."

"I'm not worried about her turning down the exit, I'm worried about her helping us after we release." Barbara sets off in a frenzy of cursing mutters under breath, largely centered about a certain crazy ass bitch.

"System control is that a way." Harley states unhelpfully. "I'll keep the new guy company."

You can't miss the look on Barbara's face telling you to be careful, and you resolve to do so. You don't know Harley Quinn, and just because she's helping you now doesn't mean that she's trustworthy.

As soon as Barbara departs earshot, Harley turns to you, giving a once over with an examining eye. You feel like a lobster at a seafood restaurant, with a hungry patron deciding just how to eat you up.

"So, what are your powers?"

You remain silent, not wanting to give critical information about your strengths and weaknesses to a known enemy. Harley sighs, and adds, "C'mon. It's not like I'm going to do anything with it. I just want to know why your sperm is so special. It got something to do with those nanobots?"

You barely manage to hide the shock on your face, but you suppose that she must have overheard you mentioning them to Zatanna. You curse yourself for revealing it, but you suppose you had ****, as well as not knowing that Harley was listening in on you.

You debate about answering Harley, but your musings are interrupted by a warning horn, then one of the nearest doors opening, hissing as the seal is broken and slowly revealing the figure inside.

The infamous eco-terrorist, Poison Ivy.