Hell of a Week

After returning to the Bella to pick up our stuff and make sure she was all locked down the drive home is a quiet one. Winona knew that I knew that I had her full support and that she was there for when I was ready to talk. But, thankfully, she also respected my need for a little quiet to come to grips in my own mind with what was to come. I was in a strange headspace by the time the headlights of Winona’s truck flash across the once abandoned garage turned home. My thoughts are with Grandpa, my heart is heavy and yet my vivacious spirit kept me from sinking into the depths of despair.

As tragic as the news was it did nothing to damper the joy of that most wonderful cruise we’d just taken. All of us would need the happy memories we’d forged these past two days to light the gloom that lay ahead, precious memories that would last a lifetime beyond. The acceleration of the cancer had brought a vague tragedy into sharp and sudden focus. It brought clarity. It brought purpose. And in a weird way, it also brought relief. For the next few weeks I had two and only two priorities. The first, Grandpa. I was his anytime and in anyway that he needed me. The second, the wedding. Grandpa was only going to be going downhill from here and so the longer we waited the worse he was going to get. With neither Winona or I likely to get cold feet there seemed little reason to put it off.

There is a sort of calm that comes over me as I ruminate over these things. The time for grief would come soon enough so there was no point in wasting my energy on that now when there were more important things to focus on. A week and a half ago I would have not been capable of such maturity. A week and a half ago I couldn’t understand what I did now. The peace of mind wasn’t some grand philosophical enlightenment about life and **** but a simple, honest sense of empathy. Grandpa’s offhanded confession that he’d been living with pain for a long time had brought it home to me just how selfish I’d been to want to keep him for myself for a long as I could. And with each passing day I spent with Winona I understood more and more the deeper suffering that he had been living with for so long now. Grandma had left a hole in my Grandpa that nothing on this side of the veil could fill. I didn’t want Grandpa to hurt anymore, certainly not for on my account, and I wanted him to be whole again. Grandpa had looked after me for long enough. It was time that we looked after him.

Helping that calm of course is the knowledge that while his **** would destroy me, tear me right down to my foundations, I knew that Winona, her parents, my friends and the innumerable gifts Grandpa will have left behind in my heart would be there to build me up again. I was not alone. Not anymore. Never again.

The world goes dark when Winona flicks off the headlights, the kind of dark you could only find out in the country, but it only lasts a moment as one of the motion activated lights Amos had installed around the building flickers to life as we pull our stuff from the back of the truck. At the edge of the tall grass I spot Mama’s eyes glow.

“We’re home M-Mama.” I call to her. “Happy hunting!”

Inside we find everything just as it should be, except for the absence of Brutus.

I smile. “Amos is g-gonna be in trouble again.”

“Ha!” Winona laughs. “I swear that big soft heart of his will be his downfall.”

While Winona unpacks I put on a kettle and before long we are sitting together on the loveseat sipping a relaxing herbal tea. We sit a time just sipping tea and bathing in each other’s presence before I at last break the cozy silence.

“N-Next weekend.”

“The wedding?” She asks.

I nod. “If that’s okay.”

“Damn! You’re gonna make me wait a whole week?”

With a giggle I snuggle closer. “I d-don’t know what w-we need to do. I don’t even know if it’s p-possible.”

“We’ll figure it out.” She rubs my neck. “Back in South Dakota you can get hitched right away. Some places you gotta wait for the license though.”

“Okay. I’ll l-look into it in the m-morning.”

“Grand opening on Monday. Wedding by the weekend. Gonna be a hell of a week.”

“Can’t beat this l-last one.”

“Truth.”

“I’m sure l-life will slow soon.”

“I’m not complaining.” She says. “Full speed ahead. How ya doin, Sprout?”

I set my tea down and cuddle closer, laying my head on her shoulder. “Sad? Happy? Everything in b-between? A lot of things.”

“Yeah.” She kisses my head. “Me too.”

“D-Did you have a good cruise?”

“Baby. It was heaven.”

“Good.” We sigh and melt together. “Avery.” I whisper. “Avery C-Crow. That’s sounds real nice.”

“What’s this?’ Winona says with a smile. “You’re taking my name? Serious? You’re gonna be Avery Crow?”

“Mm hm.” I nod, happy to see her joy. Giving up Beckett, the surname of the cruel man who’d married my mom, was no sacrifice to me. Crow was a name I could hold with pride. “I w-wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Oh! I…I…awwww!” She hugs me and smooches me three times in quick succession. “That’s so cool!”

“It’s c-cool because you’re cool.”

“Sweet talker.” She pinches my cheek. “Oh man. You taking my name. Mom’s gonna hate it.”

“M-Mine too!”

“Ha ha ha! I love it! Mr. Crow. Mr. Crow. It’s got a nice ring, ya know.”

“He he he! Mr. Crow.” I kiss her back. “And s-sometimes Mrs.”

“And sometimes Sprout.”

“Don’t forget B-Buttercup.”

“Althea too.”

“He he he! Can’t leave out baby g-girl!”

“All the time baby girl.” We linger on a long, soft kiss. “I love you no matter what your name is.”

“Lucky me.”

“Bedtime for baby girl?”

With a long tired sigh I nod. “Ohhh. Yes p-please!”