Hat Tricks

"Wrong card," scolded Zora, rapping Emily on the forehead with her magic wand. "Again!"

"But, Zora, I can't find the Queen of Hearts anywhere!"

"Are you sure? Have you looked... everywhere?"

Emily paused. Then, slowly, she reached down and peeled the missing card off the seat of her shorts. Glumly, she handed it back to Zora, as the audience burst into applause. At least they were pulling in a good crowd for a morning show. She saw a spotty nerd in an anime T-shirt, a brunette in yoga pants and all kinds of other people, their eyes glued to the stage. Still, she wished all the tricks didn't have to revolve around her bottom.

"This is silly," she protested. "I bet you just stuck it on there while I wasn't looking."

"You think magic is easy, do you? Just about anyone can command the dark powers of the occult?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Well, why don't you try it?" suggested Zora. "Maybe you should be the magician and I should be the assistant. What do you think about that?"

"That's a great idea. I bet I'd be a better magician than you."

"You really think so? Then here you are." Zora plucked the top hat off her head and handed it to Emily. "Try it on."

"I will!"

"Please, do."

"You think I won't?"

"I don't know. Are you scared?"

"I'm not scared of anything!" Emily plonked the hat down on her head. It fit her perfectly, sliding down around her ears. "See! It looks way better on me!"

"I don't think it likes you."

"Sure it does."

"Go ahead, then. Try to cast a spell."

"Fine!" Emily turned to face the audience, raising her hands into the air dramatically. "I summon all the spirits of darkness to... to make Zora the Spectacular disappear! Abracadabra!"

For a long moment, there was silence. The audience held its breath. Crickets chirped.

Then, Emily's shorts fell down around her ankles.

"Eeep!"

"I told you it didn't like you," shrugged Zora, as the crowd burst into laughter and a red-faced Emily struggled to yank her shorts back up her long, lovely legs. "It always does that to people it doesn't like. You'd better give it back."

"Stupid hat!"

"Careful. You don't want to make it even angrier."

Emily, her shorts back on, her red panties once more hidden from view, whipped off the hat and held it in front of her, scolding it. "Hey, what's the big idea? Who do you think you are, Mr. Hat?"

"I wouldn't speak to it that way. It's a very powerful hat."

"Listen up, Mr. Hat. I may just be a lowly magician's assistant, but I'm going to give you a piece of my mind."

The hat shivered in Emily's hands. Then, a jet of water sprayed from its open mouth, blasting her right between the breasts. The crowd laughed again as she squealed and dropped it to the ground.

"I guess being a magician's not so easy after all," said Zora, picking up the hat as Emily stood on stage, soaking wet, her red bra clearly visible, her shirt now outlining the exact shape of her boobs. "I wouldn't say anything more if I were you..."

"I hate you, hat!"

And the whole crowd watched in satisfaction as Emily's shorts slithered to the ground once again.