Harry, 57, male, legislator

Back at the Ministry of Environment and Greenness, Harry looked in dismay at the two big boxes, full of idea cards. All over the country these groups of green activists were organizing, with the full support of the ministry; and they were actively encouraged to spout their ideas on how the carbon footprint of women could be reduced so they weren’t as burdensome to Mother Nature anymore… and that was all good of course. Yes, their intentions were good, and there was no question about their dedication to the environment… but the ideas they came up with? He picked up a random card from the biggest box and read:

“We can start by stopping production of things women need. Like makeup, hair straighteners, heels, bras…”

He picked up another one:

“We should stop wearing makeup and shaving our bodies. We could make it mandatory.”

He sighed deeply. It was his job to evaluate these ideas, and get back to the girl who had written the card and, in the ministerial jargon, “evaluate the possibilities and obstacles to the proposed legislation”. But truth be told, the ministry really used these girl groups only as an action agent, after all they were eager to implement new ideas, and happy to support the wider goals of carbon emission reduction and the like. But the ideas they came up with themselves? He shook his head. Awful, horrible. He turned over the card and read: “Grace, 22 yo, juice factory worker”. He turned the other card over. The same name was on it. He almost felt like he knew this girl, even though he had never seen her. Every day, there would be a dozen cards written by her. My god, she was the one who had filed that “handled as cargo” idea… after which, the entire air fleet had to be converted to fit these new cargo holds, not to mention the luggage handling departments at airports across the country… it had been a nightmare. And for that idea, there had actually been an outlook... at least, theoretically. Something good that would happen to men, by a sacrifice made by girls.

But these new ideas were just so… blonde. Again, this girl had just written down one of those primal things that came to her mind, without thinking for a moment about men. Had she just forgotten about the rules of the ministry, that no new legislations could ever be to the detriment of men? Where was her head? He had tried to convey this message back to her many times, in the formalized replies the ministry sent to any girl’s idea… but apparently, a subtle message was lost on her. He sighed even deeper. This had to come to an end. He buzzed Lizzy, his secretary, and when she came in (a stunning redhead, curvy and juicy, with a wiggly locomotion; one of the reasons he called her into his office rather than just emailing her) told her to make an appointment for Grace to come to the ministry and meet him. Maybe, just maybe, he could set this right in an actual meeting, when they would be eye to eye, and he could get the message across.

Two weeks later, Lizzy showed Grace into his office. After the pleasantries were done and coffee was brought (no need to ask about milk and sugar, after all, she was a girl so there was no room for fat and carbs in a cup of coffee), he got to the hot potato.

“So, these cards you’ve submitted…”

She almost jumped up from her chair in enthusiasm: “Yes, yes, of course! Do you like them? Do you think they will help cut emissions?”

“Erm… well, yes, they probably could. But we must think about these things very carefully, of course…”

“What do you mean? What is wrong with these ideas?”

He took a very deep breath. Maybe this girl just honestly didn’t understand.

“Grace… lets take this one. No makeup, no heels, no bras… now try to think for a bit. What would this actually do?”

“Well, girls wouldn’t use them anymore, so factories which would produce them could close, or convert to producing solar panels and wind engines, and the oceans would stop rising, and…”

“Yes, yes. Of course. But, think again… what would it do to men? “

“To men?” She looked genuinely baffled. “I’d think, nothing? They don’t use that stuff, do they? “

“They don’t. Not directly, that is. But think again. What would it mean if girls didn’t make themselves up anymore, if they stopped wearing heels, if they didn’t do their hair anymore… what would they look like?”

“Well, I dunno… just like… girls?”

“Not really, Grace. Do you know who all these things were invented for? And I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t for girls.”

She pondered long and hard, but couldn’t come up with an answer. Harry had to guide her every step of the way: “What do these things do for a girl, Grace?”

“They make her look nice?”

“Exactly, very good! So…?”

She thought so hard that her forehead almost crushed under the wrinkles, then said: “So… with this idea, they wouldn’t look nice and pretty anymore?”

“Very good! And who loves the pleasure of watching a nice and pretty girl?”

“Men do,” she said without hesitation. At least she knows something, Harry thought bitterly.

“So what would happen if we banned stuff like makeup and heels?”

“Men’s visuals would be impaired… I think I know what you mean now, Sir. It is a very bad idea indeed.”

“It is. You want to look at your other card?”

“Sure… the one about shaving?”

“Exactly… do you have any idea of the environmental impact of shaving the entire world population once a day?”

She shook her head.

“It is about the same as driving one car from Moscow to Berlin. Not more. Like, really nothing, in the grand scheme of things. “

She looked at the floor, and muttered: “Sure… but every little thing matters, right?”

Harry nodded benevolently: “Indeed it does. But again, you must weigh all factors. When men had their fun with girls, they would have to handle those big bushes of hair again… have you ever thought about that? After all the progress we made over just a half century… and now you are finally presenting your pussies to men like they want to see them, feel them… prim, smooth, explicit, attractive… and you just want to turn the clock back? You want to lose all that progress over a single 1,000 mile car drive?”

She looked down to her lap, blushed very deeply, and shook her head. “Sir… I’m sorry… I don’t know where my head was…”

Harry gently stroked her, and helped her up.

“So you see… things aren’t always as simple as they seem. You should consider that, when making suggestions… do I have your word that you will try, from now on?”

She nodded without a word, still buried in shame about her own stupidity.

“Very good… thank you for coming here today, Grace, and…,” he pulled a makeup box from the drawer of his desk and offered it to her: “I couldn’t help but notice you have already taken an advance on your ‘no makeup’ suggestion… but really, it doesn’t do any good at all. Here, take this present from the ministry, and use it… it can be your contribution to the greater good!’

She nodded again, even more embarrassed now, took the box from him, and left his office.