Hard to shop when you are deep in the feels

Neither spoke on the car ride, simply letting the stereo play ‘90s and 2000s hip hop to cover the silence. Trent sat staring out the passenger window replaying the last few hours in his mind. His thoughts kept coming back to the kiss that they had shared. In that moment everything had simply drained away and it had just been him, Deedee, and their need for each other. Replaying his outburst and the ensuing makeout session over and over was doing nothing to help him control the passions he kept feeling.

The other side of the car was a different story entirely. Deedee drove with both fists clenched around the wheel in an almost white knuckled grip. It took all of her willpower not to say something to him. She could feel everything slipping away from her. She knew that Trent was gone from her life. No matter the outcome of this ride, she had made the mistake of driving him out. The only way forward was to keep Tiffany. The problem was that every time she tried to **** Tiffany farther down that road, she crumbled and fell apart. Apparently Miss Jameson had been right about her all along, she wasn’t man enough to do what needed to be done.

Clenching her jaw to keep from breaking down at that thought, she pulled into a parking spot nearer to the doors than yesterday. As both feminine figures slid from the car together, it was obvious that the two beautiful people were drawing attention. “Don’t forget your other heels.” Deedee reminded Tiffany offhandedly, her voice catching just slightly.

Tiffany frowned at the sound in Deedee’s voice. Even if his father and Deedee had very different sounds, there was something to the catch in his voice that triggered memories of watching his mother and father fight. The catch in her voice reminded him of what Derek would sound like when he simply agreed with whatever his mother would say and slunk away. Bending over at the hips, Trent reached in and pulled out the bag containing his black Casadei heels and his purse. Settling the loops of both in crook of his right elbow, he noticed that Deedee had not waited.

Moving to catch up, Trent was surprised to find that he caught up to Deedee quickly. As his strides naturally matched hers, he realized why. The pink heels he had chosen for her were forcing a much shorter step than even the tall heels he had on. Inspecting her stride, it became clear why. The **** angle of the arch combined with the fact that almost all of her weight seemed to be completely on the balls of her feet made the shoes an exercise in perfect posture and skill. Wincing, he realized she was only wearing them because he had asked her to. “Deedee?”

Stopping, Deedee took a deep breath to collect herself before turning to address Tiffany. “Yes dear?” Even as she tried to keep her tone neutral, Deedee could hear the annoyance in her own voice. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to Tiffany, it was that she didn’t know how right now.

In an effort to move past the sounds of annoyance that Deedee made upon hearing him speak, he moved on as if nothing was wrong. “Do you want to wear the shoes I have in the box? Those are like, way harder to walk in than I thought. I like, kinda feel bad.” He held the bag out containing the black heels towards her.

Caught off guard by the kind gesture, Deedee shook her head softly. “No dear, those are for you to wear after we get yours unlocked. I’m fine with these.” Silently, Deedee welcomed the pain and extra concentration it took to wear that particular shoe. The effort engaged enough of her mind that she was no longer running through the issues that she saw no way out of, while the pain seemed like a fitting punishment for the smallest portion of her actions. Starting up her walk again, she focused even more on her stride.

As they made their way into the mall, Trent turned Deedee’s actions over in his thoughts. He couldn’t understand the hot and cold of her emotions. One moment she was threatening to expose him to a moving company in the sluttiest outfit he had ever seen on anyone, the next she was crying her eyes out for no reason. Before he could make any progress in understanding, his thoughts were interrupted as the storefront for Ana’s came into view.

Deedee’s hand held the door open for Tiffany to walk through, then followed him inside. The pair of beeps that greeted them brought Trent back to his earlier trip. A shiver passed through his spine, in an effort to center himself and push those feelings away he looked to Deedee. Seeing her resolute look and perfect poise, he nodded and did his best to emulate her.

“Tiffany darlin’! I didn’t expect to see you back already. And hey Deedee hun, it is so good to see you!” Ana stepped out from behind the corner and moved up to hug each of them in turn as her warm southern accent welcomed the pair. The pair returned her greetings warmly before stepping back. Deedee tried to smile, but felt it melt off her face quickly. Moving forward in an attempt to keep the evening trip short, she spoke up. “We need the keys for Tiffany’s heels hun.”

Ana’s smile broadened as she heard the explanation of the visit. “Oh yeah, Jess for sure slipped those into her purse. But any of the keys from that manufacturer should work. I figured you would have had a pair since I’ve sold you like three of those before.” Turning her back on the two customers, she moved back around to her register and opened it up to pull out a small set of keys.

Hearing that Deedee should have had a key, Trent looked over at her questioningly. Deedee’s cheeks tinted as she blushed, realizing what she was about to reveal. “Um, I don’t actually have any of the keys for my locking stuff. Miss Jameson owns those.” It wasn’t admitting this to Ana that bothered her, but appearing so weak in front of Tiffany formed a ball of anxiety in her stomach. It gathered right next to her feelings of inadequacy at being dominant, which paired well with the large helping of imposter syndrome she felt. Small tethers between the bundle of feelings began to merge them into one large sucking hole of unstoppable emotion.

Trent looked over at Deedee and noticed that her facade of power was quickly diminishing. Where earlier this morning she had been brazen and outspoken, now he saw her withdrawing in on herself. He could see her crossing her arms and hugging her ribs in an attempt to close in on herself. He saw her eyes darting around almost looking to see if someone was staring at her. Confused at the differences in her, Trent stepped away and accepted the keys from Ana.

Moving over to sit on a bench, he bent down and began to unbuckle the red heels from his feet. Stepping out of the tall heels, he opened the box that held the Blades and swapped shoes. Once the black heels were comfortably encasing his feet, he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. The person in the mirror looked better now to him. Something about the matching outfit brought a sense of completeness to him.

Ana stepped over to Deedee as Tiffany went about her wardrobe change. “Dee, hun, are you ok?” The southern woman whispered to her friend. “You look a bit like someone just walked over your grave dear.”

Deedee closed her eyes for a moment to try and compose herself before opening them back up. “I’m alright Ana. Truly, just trying to figure out my way forward with her. It is all a bit complicated, isn’t it?”

Ana smiled wisely and reached out to lay her hand on the raven haired woman’s bare shoulder. “It really isn’t. It is only complicated if you make it that way. She is a strong girl. I could not have stepped back into a store where I had gone through what she did today. And look at her? Just modeling a new outfit like she owns the place.”

Both women went silent as they stared at Tiffany. Deedee’s mind whirled around itself as she chewed on her lower lip. A morose look slipped over her face and she sighed. “I think she’s stronger than me, but that isn’t surprising.”

Before Ana could respond Trent wandered back over, his pleated skirt whispering against his bare legs. “Like, Deedee? I’m totes ready.” He could sense an air of discomfort in the room, but assumed it had something to do with himself rather than Deedee and Ana. “Or like, did we need to hang out?”

Deedee’s sad smile greeted him as she shook her head. “No, let’s head home. We can order pizza or something.”

Turning, she leaned in to hug Ana quickly. Before she could move away, she heard Ana’s whispered voice in her ear. “Talk to her.” Moving away from Deedee, Ana wrapped her arms around Trent and whispered into his ear as well. “Let her talk to you.” Stepping back she looked into Trent’s eyes and winked before moving back to her register. “Keep the key’s ladies. Not safe to have locks you don’t have the keys to.”

Trent started following Deedee who was already exiting the store. Slowing his stride to follow behind Deedee, he continued to turn the situation over in his mind. Something was going on between them, and he didn’t know how he felt about it. The statement Deedee had made about her keys all being owned by Miss Jameson also stuck out to him. So spun up in his own mind, Trent failed to notice they had reached the car until Deedee called out to him. “Tiffany, honey, the car is right here.”

Pausing, he turned and locked eyes with her. Trent’s mind suddenly realized that he had been perfectly comfortable wandering through a crowded mall wearing an incredibly feminine outfit he had selected. All the reasons that he should have hated this started to compound as he stared at Deedee. The heels on his feet should be hurting or pinching. The dress swishing by his bare denuded legs should have been distracting and unwelcome. The two worst things that he seemed to have adjusted to were the cage and plug. It astounded him that he had been so caught up in his thoughts of Deedee that all those things had been shoved to the side.

Stepping into the car, he settled the bag with his red heels in the back and turned to look at Deedee. “We need to talk.”