Greg gets steamed

Greg wiped the sweat from his brow as he stepped off the Jacob's Ladder after a grueling 90 minute cardio session at the gym. The 37-year old was determined to shave off his "dad bod" and build back into the buff, sexy man he used to be in his 20s. Chasing an active toddler plus too many late night craft beers with his buddies had taken its toll.

"Time's a wastin', Greggie boy!" he told his own exhausted reflection in the gym mirror as he toweled off. "Sauna time!"

Greg made his way to the back of the gym, peeling off his soaked workout clothes and dropping his towel, strutting confidently to the men's sauna, ready to melt away the soreness in 20 minutes of infrared heat.

He pushed open the heavy wooden door and plopped down on the top bench, letting out a satisfied groan as the dry heat enveloped his naked body. Closing his eyes, he let out a few deep breaths, savoring the solitude and quiet.

Suddenly, the sauna door swung open with a soft thud. "Ohhh, excuse us!" a perky female voice chirped. "We thought this was the women's sauna!"

Greg's eyes snapped open in horror as two lithe, yoga-toned women in their 30s giggled and sauntered into the sauna, completely nude. He quickly covered his package with his hands, face flushing bright red.

The women, Jess and Mindy from the 5:30 PM Vinyasa flow class, were visibly startled to find a strange naked man already inside what they thought was the ladies' sauna. But rather than scream in fear, they burst out laughing!

"Oh my god, he's so TINY!" Jess shrieked between guffaws, pointing at Greg's spent, shriveled up penis and shriveled testicles, shrunk to a fraction of their usual size from the intense exercise. "It looks like a little baby carrot!"

"Yeah, what IS that thing? A cocktail sausage?" Mindy snorted, bending over laughing. "He must be the saddest little shrimp dick I've ever seen! And his ball sack looks like two empty raisins!"

Greg's face burned with humiliation as the two giggling women openly mocked his anatomy. He knew his junk was temporarily little from the workout, but still!

"Hey, uhh, I can explain..." he mumbled weakly, trying to hide his privates. "I'm so sorry, I just grabbed the wrong sauna door..."

"No, no, you're fine!" Jess assured him, still snickering. "Just take a seat there Mr. Short Stack. Mindy and I were just saying how much we love staring at teeny peckers."

"Totally," Mindy added with a wink. "Nothing gets us hotter than a sad, little, raisin-skinned wiener."

Mortified, Greg tried to hold completely still and avoid eye contact as the bimbo duo settled onto the sauna bench, still not bothering to cover up as they whispered and snickered between themselves.

The heat in the tiny room felt suffocating now, plus he was face to face with his greatest fear - women seeing him at his most ****. As a single dad, he hadn't been naked in front of anyone but his toddler son in years. Now these two gorgeous women were laughing at him, and he wanted to crawl into a hole!

"I guess I'll just bolt outta here..." he mumbled, slowly lifting himself to standing, not daring to move too quickly lest his mini-me spring to life.

"Oh no no, you're not getting away that easily!" Jess giggled, reaching over to pat the bench beside her. "Park that cute lil butt of yours. We're just getting started!"

She pulled out her phone and turned the camera on herself, next to Mindy's face. "Smile for the 'gram, Greg!" Jess said.

Before he could protest, she snapped a photo of herself and her friend, with Greg's red, mortified face and his bare, withered equipment clearly visible in the background. The two fitness models quickly began typing and tapping, posting the photo on their Instagram stories.

"Captions!" Mindy suggested. "'When you're tryin' to get that post-workout glow up but a teeny tiny dick comes outta nowhere!'"

"'When he says 'I'm hung like a horse' but really means hung like a hamster'!" Jess laughed, sharing her caption.

Greg's eyes widened in horror as he realized these vapid tarts were actually posting his shrunken manhood on social media for all their followers to mock. He needed to get out of there, NOW.

"Uh, yeah, that's my cue..." he mumbled, backing towards the door. "You gals have fun!"

He practically dove out of the sauna and into the locker room, grabbing his towel and covering his burning face. He couldn't get home and into a hot shower fast enough to wash away the humiliation of being laughed at, mocked, and immortalized on Instagram.

Stupid, sexy Greg, he berated himself. You're not a stud anymore, you're a sad, single dad with a sad, single-ball bag.

With a heavy sigh, he went to gather his things, realizing he'd have to face Jess and Mindy in yoga class tomorrow. He could already picture their knowing smirks and snickers as he laid out his mat in downward-facing dog.

Maybe there's still time to cancel his membership, he thought, then shook his head. No, dammit. He wasn't going to let a couple of laughs from some ditzy 'gram models run him off. He WOULD get from Dad-Bod to DILF.

Even if his pee-pee would never be hung like a Clydesdale.