Grab the spear!

"NOOOOO!"

Shakespeare rushed forward and grabbed the spear before it could reach Jesus.

"What do you think you're doing? Get the hell off me," the Roman soldier shouted, pushing Shakespeare to the ground. He proceeded to shake his spear.

"Now, Jews, look at your messiah! Ahahaha," he said, as he proceeded to plunge his spear in to Jesus' side.

"Auuugh, verily, I say unto you, fuck you, that hurts like a motherfucker," wept Jesus.

"Hmph. Serves you right, talking all that forsooth and verily and such," the soldier muttered as he walked away.

Shakespeare stood up, and approached Jesus. "I'm sorry I couldn't help more, Jesus. He was just so strong, and I have limp little poet arms, you see."

Jesus laughed. "It's okay, Willy. I'm Jesus, lol. I'll be fine. I'm used to people drilling holes into me."

"Oh, are you?" Shakespeare approached Jesus, swaying like a cobra. It was very sexy.

"Yeah, I am. Come here you big hunk of man."