Going to an Exorcist

Adam groaned as he jotted down the details of a highly rated...."Spiritualist" in his town. Her profile page listed exorcism amongst Tarot Card readings and Healing Stone Therapy as her specialties.

Adam felt he was crazy for indulging this hippy junk and as soon as he wrote down his route to visit her he felt himself shaking out of this desire to visit her and tossing the info in the garbage until the events of this morning flashed in front of his eyes- followed with the promise of his future if he didn't rid himself of his...problems.

He sighed and made his way out, catching the bus that would take him to the..."Spiritualist's" shop.

Midway through the bus ride, his lips gave the subtle code that they wished to see "their love". Adam pulled out his phone, pulled up the picture of his dick and held it in front of his mouth. The lips parting in anticipation of what it had to give. To Adam's dismay, AL caused his mouth to water.

"Ugh! Gross! Thats enough!" He exclaimed, unaware of his surroundings; looking over to see a rider on the seat opposite the aisle staring curiously at him, "Why don't you mind your own business?" He scolded them.

--

Adam walked in to "Natalie's Universal Spirit" and was confronted with a dense smell of incense, dim lighting, and sitar music. "I can't believe I'm actually doing this...."

He walked up to the counter and rang the bell.

Natalie came out from behind a curtain and approached the counter.

Natalie was a beautiful woman in her twenties, blond hair nice figure- admittedly she looked decades late for Woodstock, but she was certainly attractive enough to not get called out for her trite appearance. As cynical as Adam was, he couldn't call her out on it if his life depended on it.

"Hi!" Natalie greeted him, "Welcome to Universal Spirit! What guides you in today?"

Adam bit his tongue...everything about this made him want to gag, but not to the degree that...

"I saw on your site you do exorcisms?"

"I do. Many spirits show themselves in many ways. Sometimes aches and pains, sometimes even the common cold...is someone in your life inflicted with malicious spirits?"

'Why don't I just drink Snake Oil to resolve my problem?' Adam thought.

"Ugh...yeah...me..." he said embarrassed to begin talking about it.

"What symptoms are you experiencing?" She asked, her voice so full of concern that Adam quietly forgave everything else about her.

"Parts of my body...have..." Adam said before muttering under his breath, "come to life"

"I'm sorry...I didn't quite hear that."

"Come to life...my body has come to life..." he said remorseful.

Natalie raised a curious eye brow and asked, "what parts of your body?"

"I know how this is going to sound, but you have to believe me..." Adam said, "my dick and-"

Before he could finish his sentence he was slapped in the face.

"An erection doesn't count as 'coming to life' asshole!"

"No-no-no! I know how it sounds, but I'm serious! Its torturing me! That and my mouth..."

"Your mouth what?"

"Its also come to life..."

"Separate from you?"

"Yes..."

'Okay...." Natalie said, "lets say I believe you...what do they do when they come to life...?"

"Do I really have to say?"

"Either you tell me or I kick you out of my store."

"Fine-fine..." Adam sighed before taking a breath, lowering his head and summoning the courage to confess his predicament. "They talk about how someday they're going come- er no- get together...."

Adam's void of turmoil was interrupted by the sound of Natalie's snickering. He shot her a look of betrayal.

Natalie tried quelling her snickers, using the look in Adam's eye as motivation.

"I'm sorry," she tried curbing it. "I'm sorry" this time successful. "I'm sorry...that sucks- no! That blows- ah! That's unfortunate. Yes, unfortunate- thats the word..."

"Can you help me get rid of these spirits?"

"Well...given that your story is, with all due respect, too embarrassing to just be an excuse to talk about your dick- ill indulge this story, but if there are no spirits- im going to call the cops and tell them you flashed me. Understood?"

"Whatever it takes! I'd rather be on some registry than have this issue..."

"We'll see..."