Go to Eric

"Hey Garrett, can you help us out real quick," Eric asks me. I turn around and look up noting, to my surprise, Oliver sitting next to him, and wander over to Eric's side.

"Uh I don't know. What do you need?" I hesitate. I should've put a fucking shirt on! I'm usually don't give a shit about people seeing my scars but sometimes I wary about what they're thinking. At least the people who I think could matter. And I also didn't feel like showering this morning.

Oliver's got on a plain black t-shirt with shiny blue gym shorts on. I note a bulge in his shorts which I've become accustomed to doing since, well, forever. I think flaccid penis has a nice shape in relaxed clothing with its soft curve. Oliver's got a soft curve in his biceps too. They don't look as if he works out all the time, but perhaps as a consequence of an occasional recreational sport or manual labor. His pecs protrude only slightly, probably as a result of the same activities.

"Me and Oliver are doing our doing are final project for film on transpeople's experience in higher ed. We're looking for photos to use for our title background. Which one of these do you think would be good?"

I scroll through the photos and these people look vaguely familiar but their all white. I accidentally scroll forward one too far. A multitude of colors flood the screen as men are frozen in motion during a fancy dance at some powwow. I think I recognize that face in the forefront and grin. At least someone in this room knows how to dance.

"Uhh I'm not sure. Do y'all have people of color in your film at all?" I probe.

"Nah, we haven't really started filming or anything yet." Eric glances at Oliver and they laugh over a mutual but mild anxiety. I smirk and chuckle and catch a peek at Oliver.

"I feel you. Work on planning your film first and I'll help you out later. But, if you want you check out my Facebook for potential photos to use and just let me know which ones you're thinking about." Hearing the water boil, I tighten my butt and head to the kettle.

"Thanks bro," replies Eric.

"Yup." Swiftly putting my phone in my pocket, popping a tea bag in my thermos, and pouring my water, I climb the stairs to get my laptop to check my photos for ridiculousness while I watch my shows. Ass comfortably on the couch, TV on, I open my laptop and Facebook to a new friend request. Oliver. Shiiiieeeeeet. Pretending like I'm not online and therefore haven't seen the request yet, I scroll through my pictures making sure I look decent and reasonably silly. I'm a fool to think that at least 50% of my photos aren't of me acting like such but I can't delete the photos because my friends are too cute!

"Garrett, accept Oliver's request so we can see your pics!" yells Eric upstairs. Fuck it.

"I am! Calm down!" Accept. I distract my nerves and look for the page number button so I can add to my essay. I proceed to make a "works cited" page and save once again. I close my laptop and zone out to Adventure Time with my tea.

After a few episodes, I finish my tea and mosey upstairs to my room. Tired, I remember how lonely I am and this term has been. I don't have anyone here who shares my experiences as an explicitly queer person and a person of color. I slip off my sweat pants and climb into bed thinking of the kinds of friends I wish I could've made. Honest, open, and comfortable with all of me.

That way we can benefit one another on occasion so I don't have to scope out shitty grindr.