Go find some docks

In no time at all you've come to a busy port town, where a tavern called the Salty Sea-Wench stands by the bustling docks. A great place for pirates, especially pirates of the cute lady variety. You walk in.

Plenty of sailors here, some cute ladies, others not, but you can't see anyone who's obviously a pirate. You walk up to the bar, where a busty blonde serving wench is pouring drinks for a gang of rowdy sea dogs. You rap on the wood to get her attention.

"Excuse me," you say, politely. "Have you see any pirates around here?"

"Piss off."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"You think I'd give her up to the likes of you? Won't be that easy. Now hop on out of here before I have some of the boys show you the door."

She obviously knows something. This calls for a delicate touch. Unfortunately, you don't have a delicate touch. Fortunately, you have something that works just as well. You grab the barmaid by the bodice and pull her over the counter towards you.

"Hey! What are you doing! Let go of me right now, you... eep!"

You sit down on a stool and easily pull her across your knee, using just a bit of magic to take the weight. You pin her down with one hand and flip up her voluminous skirts with the other, exposing a pretty plump round bottom clad in a pair of lacy white bloomers that flap about as she kicks and struggles. "Let me go, you bastard! Boys! Come and save me, or you won't get your drinks!"

One of the sailors takes a step towards you. Before he can get any further, you've whisked the barmaid's bloomers off, revealing her behind in all its naked glory. The golden hairs between her legs are clearly visible as she struggles. You smile.

"Do you want your drinks?" you say. "Or do you want to see this wench get her bottom spanked in front of the whole bar?"

The sailor hesitates. He looks at his empty glass, then at the blushing barmaid's bouncing bottom. "Guess..." he admits, "guess... the spanking."

"Works for me."

SMACK.

"Eek!"

SMACK.

"Eeeeeeek! Let me go!"

The whole bar's taking note now. You're only beginning to pinken the unlucky wench's revealed nether regions when somebody stands up. A cute, tomboyish redhead, clad in leather breeches and a puffy white blouse, holding a cutlass. She'd been sitting at the back, so quietly you didn't even notice she was there. Now she's pointing the cutlass straight at you.

"Stand down, ye bugger," she demands.

"Or what."

"Or I'll slit ye from giblets to gullet, is what. Nobody buggers around with me very own wenches in me very own bar. Let the blasted wench go, and be quick about it."

"I see," you say, giving the wench another smack while you think this through. "You wouldn't happen to be a pirate, would you?"

"Aye. They call me Rosamondo the Red."

"Well, Rosamondo. You're just the girl I've been looking for..."