Go back home and give them the bad news.

"Happy Birthday" Skyler said. She grabbed Walter, bringing him in for a kiss.

Walter looked at his feminine wife. He gave minimal effort in hiding his disappointment. If only there was a man behind the door.

"What's wrong?" she said. Her womanly concern emerging from her feminine lips.

"No, no, it's nothing. I just found out I have lung cancer. Inoperable. Best case scenario, I live for a few more years with chemo."

"Oh my god."

Walter walked in.

"S-surprise!" his son, Walt Jr. shouted. There was a crowd of people. Family, friends. Walter scoffed. If only he had gay friends. Sexy men. This was a terrible birthday. It was too bad that he had to wait years for his death. He gave them all a scowl.

"Sorry everyone, why don't we call this off? I think Walter isn't feeling that well."

"No, it's fine. Let's get this over with." Walter said. He poured himself a glass of cheap whisky and sat outside near his pool. Watching as the others all talked. Some of them came, concerned. Telling him that they were so sorry. They would get over it. Then Walter heard a voice he could not forget.

"Hey fella"

Oh great. The epitome of short guy energy.

"Heard about your condition. That's hard. Just like meth head's cocks. Hahahahahaha"

Hank was the only one laughing. He slapped Walter's shoulder, spilling his drink.

"Alright Hank."

Wait, what was it Hank was saying?

"Meth head's cocks?"

"Yeah Walt. You don't know? Meth head's dicks get super hard and they have gay sex for days. I had to go undercover and-"

Skyler looked at Walter, incredulously.

"Oh Hank, Walt doesn't want to hear about penises. Right Walt?"

That was Marie. If Walter was straight, he would have wanted to bang her. For now, she was just Hank's annoying sexy wife with crazy energy. Walter always found it weird that Hank had never bred her. Perhaps Hank was also gay, trapped in a marriage and acting unbearably straight. Oh well.

"Actually, I'm kind of interested."

"Walt, you don't have to humour him." Skyler said.

"Shut the fuck up Skyler. This is my house. My birthday. My brother-in-law. I will listen to his stories when I want."

Walt was panting. The guests were shocked.

"Well, alright Walt. Cool down and I'll tell you."

"I'm sorry. It's the brain cancer. It makes me act weird."

"I thought you said it was lung cancer." Marie said.

'Shit', Walt thought.

"Well, that's not important. But I was in this sting operation and these two methheads were just fucking raw for days. Their cocks were so big and hard, like uhh, spray paint cans."

"Oh, Hank." Marie shook her head.

"Jesus Christ Marie, I'm just telling the man what he wants to know."

"And do you have any ride alongs?"

"Well actually tomorrow, we're going to be busting these guys. They'll probably be having hardcore gay sex. Are you interested?"

"Of course."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Remember to pack a rain poncho. Sometimes these guys spurt like a firehose."

Marie shook her head.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Walt?"

"Sh-shut up Mom. He's j-just trying to be like Uncle Hank."

"Walt. Junior!"

"It's F-flynn ya d-dumb bitch."

"Walter Junior that's enough." Walter said.

"F-fuck you old man. When y-you die I'll g-get mad pussy. Y-you're a terrible provider."

"I said that's enough!"

Walt Jr. stopped talking. The other guests began to leave. They were not prepared for so many dramatic outbursts in a day.

Walter sighed.