Get a ride from big brother

Jeremy’s apartment is just a quick walk from the house, so it takes me no time at all to get there. I send him a text on the way, and he texts back and says, “Running a little late. Something came up. I’ll be right out.”

When I get to his apartment building, the parking garage attendant recognizes me and waves me over to Jeremy’s parking spot. I go over to his car and shake my head again at his extravagance. The sporty little two-seater is absolutely impractical, but he calls it his “chick magnet.” I can’t admit this to my brother, but the fact is he doesn’t need an expensive car to attract women. He’s a pretty good-looking guy, and if he weren’t my brother, I’d certainly give him a second look. The fact that he’s also fairly rich and is a rising star in the adult entertainment industry doesn’t hurt his reputation among the fairer sex, to be sure, but he still has enough of the red-blooded male tendencies that he feels the need to buy fancy things in order to impress others.

I lean against his freshly-washed and waxed vehicle for a few minutes, checking my social media, as I wait for him to finish whatever pressing business demanded his attention so early in the day. Fortunately I don’t have to wait too long. I hear the bell of the elevator, and I look up to see my brother approaching.

I see at once what the urgent “business” was that needed his attention. Jeremy is walking toward me with a self-satisfied grin on his face, arm-in-arm with a blonde woman whose age has to be nearly half of her chest measurement. I knew at once how to interpret his text that “something came up,” and I knew that this young woman had fulfilled his expectations to bring that thing back down.

I roll my eyes, not caring if he sees me. Ever since Jeremy was about fourteen or so, he has made it no secret that he wanted to go into the family business for the primary purpose of having access to a never-ending stream of women who were willing to put out. No doubt he spent the night “interviewing” this young actress-wannna-be, and probably never even asked has a single question.

“Good morning, Sis,” he says, as he reaches the car. “Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long. I was just giving giving some career advice to —- to —-“ He stares at the young woman blankly, trying to remember her name.

“Sadie,” she offers, helpfully. “Sadie Milkenhooper, from Oshkosh.”

“Of course,” he says, snapping his fingers. “It was right on the tip of my tongue.”

“Speaking of tips of things, you may want to use this,” I say to Sadie, offering her a tissue. “You have a bit of something on your chin.”

Sadie giggles as she dabs at the drop of thick, white liquid, and gives my brother a naughty look, as if she is keeping some great state secret about what they were just doing together.

My brother shows no signs of embarassment. He looks at me and says, “So, it’s your big day, isn’t it? My little sister is finally growing up and showing an interest in the family business! Are you excited?”

I am excited, but I can’t exactly let on about it to him — particularly in front of this floozy. I shrug and say, “We’ll see. Let’s get there and see what it’s all about first.”

“Sure thing,” says Jeremy, clicking the button to unlock the car’s doors. “We’re going to take Sally along with us. She has a screen test this morning.”

I look at Sadie to see her reaction to him getting her name wrong. She just continues to smile broadly at him. It’s apparent that so much blood is needed to keep those large breasts afloat that there isn’t much remaining to nourish her brain cells. I get the idea that this gal has gotten through life since she was about 12 by relying on her breasts rather than any kind of intellectual ability.

I take another look at her and then look at Jeremy’s car. “Are you sure? It’s just a two-seater, you know. Maybe I should take a cab, instead.”

“Oh nonsense,” declares Sadie. “It will be a little tight, but both of you can fit!”

I suspect she said very similar words to her two prom dates when they took her home.

Jeremy slides behind the wheel, and Sadie scoots up right beside him, straddling the stick shift. I take a doubtful glance at the tiny space remaining for me.