Generic sex match

The duo agreed to go with a traditional sex match. The first one to orgasm, get tapped out by the ref, or surrender would be considered the loser.

The next week, Shadow Ape headed into the arena, accompanied by his two valets, Little Boy (a 19-year-old skinny blond boy dressed in bomb-squad gear; named after the Hiroshima incident) and Chance (a tall mixed-race girl in a cleavage-hugging navy-blue jumpsuit; named so for the amazing ****-defying risks and dangers she undertook). Music, consisting of drums reminiscent of the Johnny Quest and Metal Gear theme music, accompanied him.

Adam, wearing dark blue and gray camouflage pants and black stripes across his face, threw off his jacket as he reached the center of the ring. Wearing only fingerless gloves and dogtags above the waist, he addressed the audience.

"There are some who would consider me a monster; some people who are angry because I don't like to talk about my life. I'm no monster, nor am I a soldier. Soldiers merely follow orders; monsters kill without pity or remorse. I am, pure and simple, a mercenary. People asked me for my services, and I agreed. Do I regret the deaths I caused? Yes. Does that make me a monster? It's in the eyes of the beholder."

If Shadow Ape had anything to add to his speech, he was cut off by Ilsa approaching the ring with her two bodyguards (though they were purely for show); twin Jamaican muscleboys named Quinn and Hooper. Both were clad in matching black Snake Eyes-style jumpsuits (minus the mask), with shoulder-length dreadlocks. They were identifiable by hair color: Quinn had blond dreads, and Hooper had black.