GB96 - Study together

“OK,” you say, not thinking too hard about it. “Come on over.”

You get back to work. Your mom has to work tonight, so she stops by, but freezes as she’s handing you a little plate with a slice of cheesecake on it. Her eyes are on the books open on your desk.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“Studying,” you say.

“What are you really doing?” She looks suspicious.

“Mom!”

“OK. OK. I’m leaving. Love you,” she says, still looking suspicious. So you don’t have a great history of actually opening books. That’s how you got yourself into this little credit crisis.

Mom suddenly reverses and sticks her head back in. “Did you think about a job?” she asks.

“I’m going to try to talk to one of the sororities,” you reply. “They might be looking for someone to help around their house.”

Mom makes a face. “Maid work? Isn’t that kind of playing into the stereotype?”

“Mom, I’m trying here.”

Her expression softens, and that annoys you. She’s looking at you adoringly, like a child.

“I know, baby.”

“I’m eighteen,” you remind her.

“I know, baby. Have a good night.”

You better eat this cheesecake before Stef gets here or she’ll want some. You turn off your music so you’ll hear the doorbell and get back to work, but Mom has a point. If you do this CCL thing you will be a Latina maid. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you understand why it makes your Mom, an X-Ray technician, cringe.

Damn it! All of this keeps forcing you to think about your future. Are Kris’s huge boobs and her pull with CCL worth it? Whatever. On the one hand, it hurts a bit that your mom looked so proud just now. On the other, it felt good. Studying is not the worst thing. You can do this: you just have to look at things differently. For all this time you’ve prayed that the end of the school year would be forever away. Look at it differently: it’s almost over. You can study for a little while, right? Right.

Too much thinking. Thinking stresses you out, so you stress eat your cheesecake. As you’re taking the plate downstairs, the doorbell rings. Holy shit, Stef got here fast. You wash your hands and go answer the door.

“Who the fuck are you?” you mutter, stepping aside to let Stef in. She’s wearing makeup and she’s made an effort with her outfit. As she enters the house, you smell perfume.

“What?” she asks, laughing nervously.

“You didn’t even bring your stuff?” Gosh. At least you have all the same classes, so she can use your books. But she’s acting so weird. You get her a soda and take her upstairs, panicking for a second when you see that your curtains are open. You don’t want Mary’s window to be triggering for Stef, but she doesn’t seem to notice. And the light’s off; Mary must be out somewhere.

“What are you working on?” you ask her, opening your bookbag.

“Uh, I’ll take this one, I guess,” Stef says, picking up the trig book. You realize that she walked right past all the stupid dog pictures that are up in the hallway now; the moving and unpacking process is still going on in most of the house, but every day it’s more and more lived-in.

Stef used to make fun of those pictures constantly. Tonight she didn’t even notice them. Is she anxious because of Mary? That must be it, but she should be relieved to see the light off over there. You need to be patient with Stef. Of course she’s going to act weird. Heartbreak is hard, and what you did last night was probably a bad idea. When you think about it that way, it’s not really fair for you to expect her to act normal after so much.

You get back to work, and your bed squeaks as she settles in over there with the trig book. She’s behind you, but that’s good. That lets you concentrate. But the more studying you do, the more you realize that while it’s not your favorite, it’s not that bad.

That makes you think about college. Thinking about college makes you think about being involved with CCL not as an employee, but as a member. You have an active imagination. In California, you had such a big friend group that you were at a party every night. Coming back to Gurlberg has slowed things down so much. A day ago you were upset about that, but now you wonder if it isn’t for the best. Is college an option for you? If it is, that would open the door to way better parties than you’ll have doing… whatever it is that people do when they finish high school without a plan.

You scowl. Maybe you should talk to your mom. She’s tried to talk to you about college before, but you always had a party to be at and blew her off.

“Ah!” you scream as you feel Stef’s hands on your shoulders. She crept up behind you.

“Whoa,” she says. “You OK?”

“What? What’s wrong?” you ask, confused as you twist in your chair.

“Just, uh…” she says, smiling down at you. She rubs your shoulders.

God. Is your stress that obvious? You are kind of freaking out now. The school year is almost over. If you’re going to make a choice, you have to do it quickly.

You sigh and pat her hand, smiling up at her. Her face is upside down above yours.

“I’m OK. Adulthood fucking blows,” you say.

You expect her to agree with you or something. Instead, she hesitates shyly, then leans down and kisses you on the mouth.

You freeze, your brain short-circuiting.

The truth crashes down on you like a collapsing building. Her perfume. Her eagerness to come over. Her obvious disinterest in studying. Her weirdness.

Stef has… catastrophically misunderstood last night.

On the other hand, this side of her is so cute.

Stop the kiss?

Or don’t stop her?